September 20, 2007
I’m bored with all of this. I’m bored with everything. And its getting harder and harder for me to fake interest and enthusiasm. I have a hard time looking into people’s eyes these day (I’m not sure why suddenly) I think its because my eyes can’t lie. I’ve no interest in what most people are telling me. I’ve no interest in even answering questions about myself, about my day or whatever… I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of the feigning.
Something needs to change. I don’t know what, but somethings got to happen. I’m thinking a self-imposed exile, but the time has to be right. And it’s not right yet. I don’t know what I’m going to do in the meanwhile… any suggestions? Something time consuming but stimulating at the same time.
First off, a Darwin Award:
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal imbedded in the side of a cliff rising above the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what had happened. It seems that a guy had some JATO bottles ( Jet Assisted Take Off ), actually a solid fuel rocket used to give heavy military transport planes extra “push” for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala into the desert and found a long straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, built up some speed, and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best could be defined are that:
- The operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was determined by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
- The JATO would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the chevy to reach speeds of 350 MPH ( 560 KMPH ). JATO thrust would have continued for 20-25 seconds, insuring maintenance of that speed for that time.
- The driver, soon pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dig-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the vent. The automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles ( 15-20 seconds ) before the driver applied and completely melted brakes, blowing tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, to no avail, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles before impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock face.
- Few of the drivers remains were recovered. Small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and a fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Damn! Seriously, just imagine the sight of the crash. Damn.
Sanju Bhagat’s stomach was once so swollen he looked nine months pregnant and could barely breathe. iving in the city of Nagpur, India, Bhagat said he’d felt self-conscious his whole life about his big belly. But one night in June 1999, his problem erupted into something much larger than cosmetic worry. Mehta said that he can usually spot a tumor just after he begins an operation. But while operating on Bhagat, Mehta saw something he had never encountered. As he cut deeper into Bhagat’s stomach, gallons of fluid spilled out — and then something extraordinary happened. “First, one limb came out, then another limb came out. Then some part of genitalia, then some part of hair, some limbs, jaws, limbs, hair.”
At first glance, it may look as if Bhagat had given birth. Actually, Mehta had removed the mutated body of Bhagat’s twin brother from his stomach. Bhagat, they discovered, had one of the world’s most bizarre medical conditions — fetus in fetu. It is an extremely rare abnormality that occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside its twin. The trapped fetus can survive as a parasite even past birth by forming an umbilical cordlike structure that leaches its twin’s blood supply until it grows so large that it starts to harm the host, at which point doctors usually intervene.
Nasty. Now that really sucks.
Man Hides Sex Toys in the Wurst Way
BERLIN (Reuters) – Staff at a German butcher’s shop were shocked to discover a customer had hidden two sex toys in their sausages for transport to Dubai, police said Wednesday.
“It was two latex dildos with a natural look,” said a spokesman for police in the southwestern city of Mannheim.
After shopping there earlier in the day, the man, who spoke broken English, returned to the butcher’s with two large “Schwartenmagen” sausages. He asked a shop assistant to wrap and cool them until he departed for Dubai the next day.
But the assistant noticed the goods had got heavier and alerted police. Officers discovered the man, who was about 50, had removed some of the meat and packed the dildos inside.
“He could have used a loaf of bread,” the spokesman said. “It’s not against the law here. But obviously I can’t speculate on what customs in Dubai will have to say about it.”
I wonder if you are allowed to bring sex toys into Dubai. Probably not. Because if they allowed it it may shrink the market for the prostitution rings. Then the Russians would get pissed and then they’d make the government very unhappy.
Picture and Comic Time:
What the hell is this section in the newspaper? The crime section?
Who reports a “cat with rectal problems”? lol
Wanna be a rapper?
O is for Old English Sheepdog
In Case of Revolution…
I’m not sure if I put this up before:
Read the warning carefully:
Quote of the Day:
Me: George Washington Carver researched peanuts, its obvious. He’s the one who invented peanut butter.
Chirp: Really? He made Jiff?
Me: I don’t think Jiff. You know the peanut with the monocle, that based on him.
Chirp: You mean Planter’s?
Me: Yeah, Planters!
Chirp: Wow! How do you know all that?
Me: I don’t, I just made all that shit up.
September 19, 2007
Hi there kids. So yesterday, I don’t know why, but I decided that I was going to try one of those self-tanner cream things. What do you guys think? Shall I try it and risk going oompa loompa? Or shall I stick with my lovely ghostly pale complexion?
Anyway, enough of my intoxicating beauty and on with the show!
First, do we have a decent public library here in Kuwait? I mean one with a variety of books (including a large English selection)? Let me know if there is. Because frankly there are some damn nice libraries out there. And you’d think with the budget surplus that Kuwaiti government has they could afford to build an nice one, but then again you’d think they could afford to build new generators for electricity too…. retards. TIMMY!
And now for the radiology picture of the day!
“Craniosynostosis is premature closure of the cranial sutures. The skull shape undergoes characteristic changes depending on which suture(s) close early. The sagittal suture is most commonly involved, where lateral growth of the skull is arrested while anteroposterior growth continues, producing a narrow elongated skull known as scaphocephaly (meaning boat-shaped) or dolichocephaly. Causes are primary, or secondary to certain haematologic disorders, metabolic disorders, bone dysplasias and syndromes. There is a 3:1 male predominance. Treatment is cranioplasty.”
Let’s see…. hmmm… what’s next? How about a joke (not the best one) but it make you say damn!
Four men went to play golf one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free.”
The second man said, “My son is a car salesman, and now owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded.
The third man , not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “My son is a stockbroker, and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio.”
The fourth man joined them at the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”
The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay and a go-go dancer at a gay bar.” The other three men grew silent as he continued, “I’m not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, and brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio.”
Imagine how retarded those fathers must be feeling right about then. Damn!
Oooo! Ooo! I know, what comes next! It’s the story of this guy fired within two days of getting hired. This man is a genius. I should do what he does t seems like a blast! This is what he did:
1) He picked up every bottle of paint we were putting away and asked “Can I drink this?”
2) He used large, $30-40 tubes of paint as mini baseball bats. He also liked to juggle EVERY bottle within reach–when told some bottles are glass he said “I never drop ’em”.
3) He slid down the banisters of our main staircase after being told repeatedly NOT to do so (even when threatened with termination),
4) He was caught balancing with one foot on top of a ladder yelling “look at me!!!!” (Lucky fool–he could have been killed–proof that God DOES protect idiots)
5) He singled out one male employee and shook his hand EACH and EVERY time he passed this person.
6) He bummed 10-15 dollars total from a bunch of people HIS FIRST DAY, claiming it was “for lunch” (No—we don’t talk to each other, we couldn’t find out he was doing this–DUH!!!!)
7) He shamelessly raided the refrigerator (which has become a no-food zone b/c of previous thefts)
8) He harassed ANYTHING female, verbally and with gestures.
9) He used the U-boat carts as his own private demolition racer/skateboard/stepstool, and crashed into EVERYTHING. Including our store managers ankles.
10) We found out he’d had FOUR previous jobs since LAST NOVEMBER….(this was March) Gawd, would I love to hear their stories …so WHY did my store hire him?
11) He just plain STUNK. Mighty B-O He claimed to be a Bible-thumper, but apparently missed the expression “cleanliness is next to Godliness”. Guess showering and deodorant were against his religion.
12) He offered a “lap dancing lesson” to a male employee.
13) He told male employee “A” that MALE employee “B” was thought he was hot, and vice versa. Just to see what would happen. Yes, both “A” and “B” were straight. Unfunny nonetheless.
14) He asked EVERYBODY if they play an instrument, and regardless of the response, he said “I play my skin-flute.” Loud.
Loooooooooooool! Kick ass! *sigh* I wish I could do that!
You know what time it is by now… so let’s GET IT ON!
Aaaaaaaagh! My eye!
Neighborhood Slut = Chirp’s Cat
(I’m so mean!)
For the one you love
Praise Ron Jeremy
If you’re happy and you know it..
The nerd version
No seriously, I do
Dogs bark when they’re hungry
September 12, 2007
What is an anal sphincter? I’m not quite sure, but you know that I’m going to look it up! Why? Because this guy had to go under general anaesthesia in the lithotomy position, get a dilatation of anal sphincter to make per rectum retrieval successful. Retrieval of what?
They don’t say what it is, but it looks like he stuck a axe deo spray can up his ass. Man this would be a great ad to put up for axe for all the freaks out there. Axe: The Axe Effect
Got it…. The Sphincter ani externus (external anal sphincter) is a flat plane of muscular fibers, elliptical in shape and intimately adherent to the integument surrounding the margin of the anus.
Basically, its the muscles that control when you take a shit. You savvy?
And with that I’m proud to introduce to you The Radiology Picture of The Day! Yaaay! I’m going to regularly check radiology websites and see if I can find any intersting x-rays and share them with all of you! Aren’t you lucky?
Let’s take a look at another one, just for fun!
Time for a random story:
Two drunk men arrested for driving same vehicle
Two Dorchester men were arrested for operating the same vehicle while intoxicated in the Colby-Abbotsford area.
Harvey J. Miller, 43, who has no legs, was steering the 1985 Chevrolet truck from the driver’s seat while Edwin H. Marzinske, 55, operated the break and gas pedals, according to the police report.
They were headed northbound on Hiline Avenue in Abbotsford when police pulled them over at 2:40 a.m. Saturday, Aug. 18.
Miller admitted he was too drunk to drive but argued he wasn’t operating the vehicle because he couldn’t push the pedals. Miller was issued a citation for a third drunk driving offense, while Marzinske was cited for a second. Both men were also cited for operating after revocation.
A third drunk man in the vehicle walked himself home after the incident.
In other news…. which I think might be proof of global warming or proof that Starbucks is taking over the world (and dumping its froth on people):
“Foam swallowed an entire beach and half the nearby buildings, including the local lifeguards’ centre, in a freak display of nature at Yamba in New South Wales. One minute a group of teenage surfers were waiting to catch a wave, the next they were swallowed up in a giant bubble bath. The foam was so light that they could puff it out of their hands and watch it float away.
Scientists explain that the foam is created by impurities in the ocean, such as salts, chemicals, dead plants, decomposed fish and excretions from seaweed. These elements are churned together by powerful currents which cause the water to form bubbles. These bubbles stick to each other as they are carried below the surface by the current towards the shore and as a wave starts to form on the surface, the motion of the water causes the bubbles to swirl upwards, mass together and form foam.
The foam wall stretched for 30 miles out into the Pacific in a phenomenon not seen at the beach for more than three decades.”
Wow… that seems like so much fun! I would love to jump into huge amounts of foam! Actually, as far back as I can remember, I’ve always dreamt that my house was ceiling full of water and you’d have to swim to get from room to room. *sigh* Childhood dreams.
I saw these pictures and I just had to put them up! Enjoy!
Mom!! Why isn’t the soap foaming up?!
I love how the faucet handles are balls! loool!
A holy bathroom to remove the sin from
all the devil’s work you just saw
Now for random non-themed pictures:
And a comic in memory of Sept. 11….
Alright thats enough for today! See you all tomorrow. Maybe. I mean its Ramadan. And nobody works in Ramadan. So why should I? Ta ta!
PS: None of you reminded me to post about aliens and judgement day! What use are you?! Next time, I’m taking you out into the garden with my shotgun and I’m…. Nooo! Old Yeller!!!!!!!!!!
PSS: I was in a rush today that’s why todays post is extra random.
PSSS: All penis pictures are dedicated to Tooomz. It’s payback time baby!
September 11, 2007
You know, as kids you watch cartoons, not really knowing what’s going on (because you’re so innocent). I know more about the cartoons I used to watch now that I’m grown up, you know, like the fact that He-Man was gay. Alot of people never really think about it, but I do. So I thought I’d enlighten you with a short explanation of Scooby Doo:
Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really all about. As I’ve gotten older, it has become more clear to me what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.
What We Remember:
Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sort–and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.
Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychodelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery.
It may be a little hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence…
Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current ‘grunge’ scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a ‘burner’, i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.
And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his ‘high’ from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.
The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world–they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however..
Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go ‘solve the case’ by themselves. It’s no real mystery what these two are really doing–they’re getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne with her pretty pink, well, legs and Fred are constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery to me though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.
And what about Velma? Everyone’s least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you thing Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect english, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.
So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin’ dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and fucking their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect ‘hit’.”
All you consumers out there probably know how retarded customer service is. And all of you that actually deal with customers and clients know how retarded they can be. The story below scores one idiocy point for the customer service team:
Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and The Bank billed her for February March for their annual service charges on her credit card, added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance of $0, is now somewhere around $60. A Family Member placed a call to The Bank.
Here is the exchange:
Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in January.”
The Bank: “The account was never closed, and the late fees charges still apply.”
Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”
The Bank: “Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been.”
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
The Bank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the bureau. Maybe both !”
Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?” (I really liked this part !!!!)
The Bank: “Excuse me?”
Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you? The part about her being dead?”
The Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” !
(Supervisor gets on the phone)
Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”
The Bank: “The account was never closed, so the late fees and charges still apply.” (This must be a phrase taught by The Bank!)
Family Member: “Do you mean you want to collect from her estate?”
The Bank: (stammering) “Are you her lawyer?”
Family Member: “No, I’m her great-nephew.”
The Bank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”
Family Member: “Sure.” (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
The Bank: “Our system just isn’t set up for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”
Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great ! If not, you could just keep billing her. I really don’t think she will care.”
The Bank: “Well, the late fees charges do still apply.”
(What is wrong with these people??!!)
Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”
The Bank: “Yes, that will help.”
Family Member: ” Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”
The Bank: “Sir, that is a cemetery!”
Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on YOUR planet?!!
Prophet’s Lesson of the Day: Don’t make promises you have no intention of keeping.
Xin Liangkun, 53, of Dalian city, created an unique five layered ball in 10 years. He created the ball such that each of the five balls can turn inside without touching the others. In a television documentary he claimed that no one could reproduce the ball.
“This ball was my first piece, and only I understand how it was made,” he told a television documentary. “If anyone can reproduce it, I’l give him my three-storey building, and the collections within it.”
But young porcelain amateur from Luoyang city, Sun Zheng, created the exact same thing in six month.
Promise is promise but it was not easy for Xin to hand over his home and his prized porcelain collecion. He tried to prove that the replica wasn’t similar to the one he created but unsucessfully.
A court ruled that Xin’s TV pledge has the same validity as a signed contract, and must be fulfilled.
If Xin does not appeal within 15 days he will lose his Â£100,000 three-story home and his prized porcelain collection.
I think that’s enough writing fortoday. I don’t want to overload your sensitive brains. Soooooo… it’s comic and picture time!!!!!!!!!!
Well, actually, just a couple of more words… to introduce the first comic: I hate people that constantly type in shitty IRC language. It’s okay to use ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ but don’t overdo that shit. Its really sad when people lose their ability to communicate properly like a human being, and yet they don’t realize that they’re slowly reducing themselves to animal level. Why don’t you just grunt instead of talk? That’s what ultimately what you’re going to do, you apes. You developed proper language skills for a reason retards.
This last one reminds me to remind you to remind me to
post about aliens and ‘judgment day’
(It’s a GIF so wait for it….)
NOTE: Has anybody heard of Balls of Fury and does anybody know if a pirated copy is out?
September 9, 2007
I feel like I should be sitting in a dark smoky room with sultry jazz playing in the background with large glass of whiskey in my hand. That’s the only environment that I feel would be appropriate for me at this time. I need to be somewhere dark and broody, because that’s how I feel. I wonder how long this depression is going to last. I hope not too long. Not just for my sake but for yours too: I’m pissy when I’m sad, so nobody bother me (you have been forewarned).
My latest project at work: I made a little picture replica of one of my coworkers, I drew her face and stuck rubberbands on the head as hair. I know, I know, you are amazed by my creativity. Art is one of the other gifts that God has bestowed upon me.
Okay, fine, so I may not be an artist but God gave me some kinda guts. Sitting in a glass office surrounded by glue, rubberbands, scissors, colored pens, poster paper trying to finish a kindergartenish project takes guts. There is no way I could have raqa3ed the situation if my boss walked in. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have even tried to. I would’ve just looked up at him and gone back to intensely gluing the rubberbands on the poster paper, my tongue sticking out in concentration.
Anyway, I finished my project without disturbance and then stuck it on my coworker’s wall. I think she likes it.
Anyway, I gotta go it’s already 2:45pm. Time just flies when you’re creating art (try it- go to your company’s supply closet and make something – and then email me the pictures and I’ll post your awesome creation).
Pigs tattooed with LV logo
Snoop Dog is the Shizzle-Bizzizzzzlzzle
I wonder who actually took the contact info…
September 6, 2007
You know, when I tell somebody a problem or complain about something I don’t want want to be criticized. I want to be comforted, I want you to curse the source of my problem. I don’t want you to zif me. You’re not helping me whatsoever, you’re just stressing me out.
Let me explain to you more clearly what I’m talking about:
I hate my job, you know that. Most of the work I get, when I get it, is super retarded. TIMMY! For example, today, all I’ve been doing is changing the color schemes and formats on power point presentations. What the fuck? I didn’t get a degree from a top 20 business school to do shit I learnt to do in middle school computer class. I hate it! God-fucking-damnit!
I know that I shouldn’t be here. The only reason I am here is because I have nothing better to do. Atleast that was before. Now, I want to start studying for the GRE and filling out applications…etc. So now, I want to quit. Now, this is all nothing really new. What annoys me about it are my parents. What do my parents have to do with it? They are soooo unhelpful. Okay, I never expected them to be helpful, but atleast don’t put me down.
So my mother calls me today, at work…
Prophet (P): I hate my job, I hate it. I want to quit. Seriously. I want to quit today.
Mumsy (M): Don’t be in such a rush! Why are you in such a rush?
P: I have to study and apply for graduate programs. The application is due October 1st.
M: So? Study at work.
(Now this is theoretically a good idea, except there is no way I can study in this atmosphere and they do give me work to do – really retarded work-but it’s still time consuming.)
P: I can’t, I do things around here, stupid shit, but I do things nonetheless.
M: Tell them you’re not going to do that shit anymore!
P: What? I can’t just say I’m not going to do the work they assign me anymore and sit on my ass. The way you say “I’m not going to do this shit anymore” is quit!
M: No, its your fault for doing the stuff they give you. You should’ve told them the minute they give you that shit to do that you wouldn’t do it!
(The above statement is probably slightly true, but what the fuck ma? you’re supposed to make me feel better not make me feel like crap. and besides you’re supposed to do what your boss tells you, right? I mean he didn’t ask me to scrub the toilets, he asked me to do the only shit they have to do around here: which is pretend to work by changing the colors on things)
P: I’m not the only one that does this shit. This what people do here!!!!
M: *blah blah blah*
P: Ma, you’re not getting my point… *blah blah blah*
P: God damnit! Fine ma! Fine! I’ll talk to you when I get home. Bye.
*tear my hair out of my head*
Everytime I talk to my mom about anything she drives me insane!!!!!
I’m so pissed. And I know why: because I have to keep quite and be respectful and keep it all in (I can’t just shut the phone). One day, I swear to God, I’m going to kill somebody because I’m so frustrated. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I really want to scream but I’m still at work: GOD DAMNIT!
There are shooting pains in my head and my arms; I think I might be having a heart attack.
Okay… fine, I’m not. But one day I will. I don’t need all this stress.
All this stress and you want me to quit smoking?
Anyway, not everything in life is bad. I know one thing that good. Rainbows? No! Tampons? No!……. the new iPods!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!
iPod Hero: Touch me baby… yeah..like that…
iPhone (left) iPod (right)
iPod Classic: Much slimmer and holds up to 160 GB!
Renovated iPod Nanooooooooo
A couple of other kick-ass stuff:
Spaceport America (as in “interplanetary travel”)
Simpson’s House (it’s real)
Spy Sunglasses – I want!
Quote of the Day:
“Tooomz is the one that makes the boys cry.” – Chirp
September 5, 2007
Three posts in one day – you lucky bastards!
I just wanted to update you on somethings. First of all, apparently qamar al- deen is made of apricots, so oops. And another thing is I’m going to change my ringtone to the theme from Dexter, it’s something to help you all identify me. So if you hear the theme from Dexter playing do the following and I will respond with the code word of “Wan-wan-Nyao-nyao-Piyo-Piyo” and that way you would know that you have met the divine Prophet of Random!
So anyway this is what you do: Come up to me and say “Hey baby, you smell kinda nice, wanna smell me?” and then snort really really loud. Then I’ll follow with the code word.
If I don’t respond with the code: you came up to the wrong person. And you’re probably going to get slapped or kicked in the balls. Good luck with that.
And lastly, I searched horny horoscopes on Google. This is the closest thing I came up with:
LEO (that’s me!)
Dominant in relationships. Horny. Freak in bed.
Always want the last word. Quiet. Caring. Smart.
Very sexy. Talkative.
Energetic. Sarcastic.Flirt. Outstanding kisser
Caring. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy,
Very high sex appeal. Freak in bed. Kind. Humble.
Trustworthy. Has the last word.
Very gentle. Nice. Love is one of a kind.
Have own unique sexiness.
Great in Bed. Good kisser !!!
Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future.
Irrestible, awesome kisser. Great talker.
Always gets what he or she wants.
Trustworthy. Sexy. Rare to find. Loves being
in long relationships. Extremly energetic.
Amazing in bed, the BEST lovers.
Outgoing. Spontanious. No one to f*ck with.
Have own unique sexiness. Unpredictable. Erotic.
Funny. Addictive. Take you on trips to the moon in
Aggressive. freak in bed. rare to find. loves
being in long relationships. Likes to give a good
fight for what they want.
Extremly outgoing. Outstanding kisser.
Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners
Very Good in bed. Lover not a Fighter But
Still Punch Your Lights Out .Trustworthy
Great talker. Sexy. Always Horny.
Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Great kisser.
Predict future. Most erotic.
Very high sex appeal. Great in bed.
Spontanious. Horny. Sexy. Funny. High sex
good in bed. Rare to find. Energetic. Good when
found. Great kisser. Loves being in long
September 5, 2007
Since I’ve been posting about my cat I might as well let you know what’s going on in his life. As some of you may know, Chirp has a female cat. And she wants my Fahood to sire her kittens. I just want him to screw her cat and enjoy himself (I’m sorry Chirp, but my cat has commitment issues, but they’ll always stay friends).
I’ve been debating with myself whether I should let him romp around but then cruelly take that pleasure away from him (his balls are going to be removed). After much debate, I decided I’d let him meet Chirp’s cat and see what happens (honestly what I wanted to happen was for him to mount her and I’d videotape the whole thing and call it…. ummm… fuck fest ’07- and then I could sell the tape as porn and make some money off of it). I think people in Kuwait with buy it right? I mean the retarded sexually-frustrated guys in Kuwait would buy anything labeled “fuck fest” right? And even if they find out it’s cat porn (I wonder if such a thing exists), once I explain some things to them I’m sure they’d buy it. Here are some things you should know about cat husbandry (mating and breeding) that will definitely tempt you to buy my cat porn:
1. Male tomcats have barbed penises. What is a barbed penis? Watch my cat porn to find out!
(The barbed penis helps stimulate ovulation FYI)
2. When the deed is done and the tomcat withdraws, the female lets out a really loud cry. Is it a cry of pain (from the barbed penis perhaps?) or a cry of pleasure? Watch my cat porn and judge for yourself!
3. Copulation (the process of fucking-for all you laymen) occurs many times when the female is in heat. Therefore the video is going to be long: more bang for your buck!
4. Females will mate with multiple partners if given the chance. If impregnated, the kittens she has, even though they are in the same litter, may be from different fathers. If Chirps cat mates with other cats, I will add a special feature to my cat porn:
” After the fact: Who my baby daddy?” Featuring Maury Povich. In this segment all the kittens will undergo DNA testing to find out who is the father.
When one of the kittens is proven to be from another father my cat is going to go “I told you bitch! I told you! Whateva! Whateva! Huh!” *does the moonwalk*. Well, actually, he’d probably just go “Meow” and then lick his crotch area.
So after hearing all that, you’d be tempted, atleast a little, to buy my cat porn, right?
Anyway, all my dreams were shattered when my father forbade the meeting of my and Chirp’s cat. I think it was because it would be cruel to give Fahood that kind of pleasure and then have it taken away, but he wouldn’t really discuss it. My mom said “Eeeee! I7na ma 3indina sbayyan yit3arafon 3ala banat oo hal kharabeet! lol”.
And so the love between the two cats has been forbidden.
In retrospect, as much as I would enjoy marketing cat porn, my parents are right. It would be cruel to take away such a pleasure from any creature once it’s known to him. Forgetting the cat porn, the real reason I wanted my cat to “do it” was because my brother would constantly tease my cat with “You’re gonna die a virgin! Nananana!”, which I know my cat doesn’t understand, but I do, and I know I wouldn’t want to die a virgin. So what do you all think? Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
Wow, its amazing how I can turn things like cat porn into something so deep. I’m so awesome *hug myself*.
A cat doing a ferret – I think its considered rape
Here are a couple of random pictures for all of you:
From the Internet
Trying to put the old pics up again:
September 5, 2007
Below are the photos i promised of my cat:
The first two pictures are before he gets shaved:
Next him being drugged and shaved (even though his eyes are open he’s unconscious) :
Loading the pictures takes forever, so you’ll have to wait for another time to see my pussy when it’s shaved. I know, you just can’t wait, but you have to!
Isn’t he cute?
September 4, 2007
Anyway, as you can tell from my previous post I’m not having the best week. But that doesn’t mean that you should get depressed and have a crappy week. So I just thought I’d be a little positive and tell you about some things I saw today that made me say “Que?”
First of all, KDD is putting up new ads for ramadan. One of these is for “qamar al-deen” drink which I always thought was tamarind, right? Then why the hell do they have a picture of the apricot drink on there? KDD won’t fool me!
Second of all, a bus passed by me today and there was a large ad stuck on it for “fawazeer 7alima”. As in 7alima Boland. She was dressed in a raggedy-ann outfit. I really don’t understand 7alima. Nor do I want to (I think that the RSPCA should just put that bitch down). But I do want to understand why she is so popular. Now, I’ve seen her on TV a couple of times, I enjoy tamaskharing on her (on how she dresses and the way she behaves). My question is: Is she popular because everybody makes fun of her or is it because she is considered fashionably cool and, dare I say it, kuwaiti girls want to emulate her? I would very much appreciate your input on this.
Third of all, I was walking to work when I could have sworn I saw Nicolas Cage. Well, kinda, I saw a hindi Nicolas Cage. Close enough, in my opinion.
So tell me, what has recently made you say “Que?!”
I also say “Donde estan mis pantalones?” alot, but that’s a completely different story.
Also, I have to make some small political commentary (obviously not concerning kuwaiti politics-because we all know what happens if I do that). So I’m going to address all you people that can vote in next year’s US presidential elections. Everbody knows what you have to do on Novemeber 4th of 2008: You gotsta….
Oh yeah, another thing that makes me say “que?” is this pop-up that keeps appearing on my computer. I don’t understand it. Why is there a whore in the background? If I want horoscopes I’m not going to click a pop-up with some prostitute on it. And if I want porn I’m not going to go to a horoscope website. I don’t understand the market they’re trying to reach with this pop-up. Let’s think about it….. hmmmm….. Horny Horoscopes. I think that that could actually have a following. I’d read it for a good laugh. Something like:
“Make sure to trim the bush, somebody is going to go down on you today.”
I should really start charging for all these awesome business ideas I give to y’all. I knew my business degree wasn’t useless!
Oh yeah, did you notice the “click here” on her ass? You gotta love that.
Quote of the Day:
“Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.”
September 4, 2007
Yeah, yeah, I know, I didn’t post yesterday. I have other things to do you know, I’m not your slave. You can’t just turn me on and off like a light switch you know. God, I’m so under-appreciated.
Anyway, I finished the first season of Dexter yesterday. Quite a good series I must say. Its twisted but I really relate to it. Not that I’m a serial killer, yet, but I understand how it feels to be alone and feel nobody really understands you. There is nobody who really knows me, all of me. There are many people who know different parts of who I am but there is nobody on this earth that knows all of me. And that makes me really sad sometimes.
I just want to be happy, but for some reason I can’t. I can have negative emotions, like anger, sadness and hate, but the positive ones are hard for me. And I can laugh (I laugh alot) and I can feel happiness sometimes be I don’t know if I can BE happy. I don’t know how I feel anymore. The best I can describe it is that I constantly search for temporary highs to make me think that I’m happy. But I’m just deceiving myself. You know that song “there’s gotta be more (to life)”? That’s how I feel.
Anyway, I have no idea why I’m telling you all this (especially since some of you out there know who I am). I don’t want sympathy, I guess I just want somebody out there to say they understand (and actually mean it).
Let’s see, as long as I’m on a roll here I might as well admit to you some more evil things about me.
I enjoy the sight of blood. It turns me on, and I don’t mean sexually, thank you very much. I mean that it excites me. I find blood (only if its running) fascinating and a little bit enchanting. Everytime I’d say that to somebody, even tough macho guys, they freak out a little, like they think I’m going to stab them to see their blood. It’s not like that, just think of it as you think of somebody who likes chocolate. They probably wouldn’t stab somebody with some Cadbury in their pocket. They’d probably just watch longingly as the person eats it, right?
Another thing about me is that I cherish my sleep. It’s beyond sacred to me. I prefer sleeping over being awake. So HUGE WARNING to everybody who knows me: DO NOT BOTHER ME WHEN I’M SLEEPY, SLEEPING OR GOING TO SLEEP.
Now, let me clarify a couple of things. I’m no morbid goth (I like pokemon). And just because I enjoy the sight of blood does not mean I would ever cut myself (I swear those are cat scrathes on my hands and arms! Muhahahaha!). And contrary to popular belief, just because I prefer sleeping to being awake, it does not mean want to be dead. I just want to be asleep, there’s a huge difference.
Anyway, I guess this should be considered my “personal” post, which for most other girls would be considered one about not being able to lose weight and get married or something retarded like that. Don’t you feel closer to me now that you know something a little different about me?
I also like teddy bears and long walks on the beach. Call me!
PS: None of you told me whether you want “drug week” or not. Gosh! You guys suck! Fine, no drugs for you!
September 2, 2007
I’ve recently concluded that I have become ADD and not just to get my hands on some kiddy cocaine (adderall). I cannot concentrate on anything. Everything I’m around is a mess (I can’t stay on any task long enough do things fully, like clean up). Another thing is I have a hard time reading now. Before, I used to read like a…. a…. bird… um no… wait…. what reads alot? Ummmm…. a scanner! I used to read like a HP digital scanner, but now I can’t read for Scandinavian rat shit. I hate it, its really pissing me off, I really need to get it fixed.
Anyway, the one thing that I can concentrate on for a somewhat prolonged period of time is television (and even that not as much as I used to). The point off this whole rant is to tell you that there are some pretty interesting TV shows out there:
- Dexter – This show is majorly fucked up, I loooooooove it!
- MXC (Most Extreme Elimination Challenge) – I guarantee that you will laugh your nuts off.
- House M.D. – Perfection
- Weeds – Mary-Kate Olsen is supposed to be joining the cast, I wonder how that’s going to be. She’s probably going to play a coked out vampire chick.
- Heroes – The girl from Veronica Mars is going to be joining the cast.
- The Hills – I’m ashamed to admit this, but The Hills has grown on me. I’m addicted to the stupidity and drama. You might ask what has the cast of The Hills been up to lately (this is specifically for Chirp- from thesuperficial)
LC with a gorgeous bodied male *humana humana*
“Lauren Conrad is very famous:
Lauren Conrad and some other people from The Hills were spotted frolicking on the beach. Which is news, because, you know, one time Lauren totally kissed Jason and then Heidi was all, “I can’t believe she did that” but she did, and then she ordered a latte and got a tan. So see? Famous. Man, how does she handle the pressures of being her? She’s like a monolith.”
In more entertainment news, the cast of heroes is in Paris. The only reason I care is because it means more pictures of Milo (damn that boy be fine!). Hayden Panty-whatever is cute too (you know she’s probably going to be in rehab by next year). Milo is kinda zoned out in this picture but whatever I’d do him anyway.
You might be wondering at this point “What the hell are zubbles?”. They are only the coolest thing ever invented since the nipple clamp. They’re colored bubbles!! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Another not so cool invention is the crayon-scented cologne. Why you want to smell like crayons? Let’s think about this for a minute…. hmmmmm… I guess pedophiles could use it to attract kindergarteners. You know little stupid kids like Ralph from The Simpsons would go “*sniff sniff* That man smells like Red No.5. I love Crayola Red No. 5! It tastes yummy!”. What do you think? Why the hell would someone want to smell like crayons?
As my good friends know, I’m a big fan of drugs. Prescription, herbal, legal, illegal, be it what it may. I’m alot better than I used to be in college (I was completely fucked most of the time). Now, don’t get the wrong idea about me, I’m no coke head. I used to be really sick, and American doctors love giving out meds. I was on 13 different types of meds at one point. And I was beyond gone. It was really fun at times, other times not so fun (stories of bad med trips are for another day). Anyway, I’ve quit taking meds and I’m trying to purify myself. But I still have to admit that I find drugs very interesting. So I just wanted to ask all of y’all opinion on whether you want this week to be drug week (just like C&H is doing). Whatcha think? Want drugs? Comments people, comments!
First Drug Comic of the Week
Dirty Dirty Harry
Bad Choice of Words
Quote of the Day:
“Whatever, I’d do him anyway.” – Prophet of Random
That’s all for today kiddos!
PS: I just got called to do a voice-over for some company. You know “Please enter the extension number now or zero for operator assistance”. They saw me and said they needed a female voice so I said yes. They said other girls wouldn’t do it. Why the hell not? You’re not giving them your virginity just your voice and you don’t have to make sexual moan either. What the hell is wrong with the girls here. Stupid hos (no seriously, alot of the girls that work here are hos). Anyway, I recorded, I’m not sure if they’ll use it (my allergy-ridden nose makes my voice nasal). I’ll let you know if they use it so that you may all revel and be delighted in hearing your divine Prophet’s voice.
August 29, 2007
Well start off today with some entertainment news:
Everybody’s favorite rude middle-schools are set to be with us until 2011. That’s right! South Park’s Comedy Central Contract has been renewed for a cool $75 Mil.
As Cartman would say “Tits!!!!”
In more entertainment news, French and Saunders (from Absolutely Fabulous) have a new series called A Bucket of French and Saunders. All you Ab Fab fans should probably check it out.
I don’t have time to post anything today: I’m researching grad schools (my ticket outta here!). Tralala!
*I know that some of you clicked on the Tits link thinking you’d land on some porn. Haha! Fooled you!
August 28, 2007
I don’t really feel like posting today. I don’t feel like being at work either (but I am- although I showed up 3 hours late :) ). What I really want to be doing right now is sitting by a pristine pool, soaking up the sun’s rays, with an orange mocha frapuccino in my hand. It would be nice if there was a little Captain Morgan in the frappucino.
For all of you “hard at work” right now: close your eyes and imagine, just for a minute, that you’re tanning by a beautiful pool with a lil something-something in your drink. Close your eyes, I mean it! …….. now start imagining……………..
Now, wasn’t that nice?
*deep sigh* You know, there are so many better places you could be on earth than where you are. Do you know that? Now, now, I know that there are some of you over-patriotic, optimistic, enthusiastic, spastic, plastic, magic, lick, stick, anything-ic people who are saying “What?! No way! Kuwait is the bestest best bestest place ever! Gimme a K! Kay! Gimme a U! Yu! Gimme a W -”
Shut the fuck up and spare us your unrealistic fake patriotism. I have decided to become a citizen of Huvafen Fushi. Now, I don’t know if they can give me citizenship seeing as Huvafen Fushi is a resort. But I don’t care. I’m determined to become a citizen there. It’ll be so awesome: I’d get to say “Hi, I’m Prophet and I’m Huvafen Fushian. Where are you from?”
Why a Huvafen Fushi citizen? Because its a bloody amazing place! Thats why! It’s in the Maldives. Take a look:
Go through the website and then tell me you’d rather be sitting in Nino or some shit like that.
Viva Huvafen Fushi!
Anyway, since I came in late, I don’t really have time to post anything really. So I’ll part with a couple of comics. The first is an interviewing tip to help all of you out there that are looking to get employed.
Oh yeah, I just remembered: I want to thank N. for the link yesterday (Perez Hilton actually posted about it too). Check it out:
This is it:
August 26, 2007
I have to say, I complain about my job alot, but the fact is there is one huge positive to working here: I get to do alot of shit and I get away with it.
Let me give you a more specific example:
My boss walks into my office to tell me that the HR manager was just in to see him. And my boss was telling him how impressed he was with me and how hardworking I am (teehheeee). And how I need to work twice as hard as everybody here because US KUWAITIS ARE THE FUTURE.
The whole “work hard, you are the future” is my boss’ usual rant. Okay. So what’s the big deal? The big deal is what I was doing when he walked in to tell me what I good worker I was.
I was sipping on my 123 KDD mini milk chocolate while listening to Get Crunk by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys and I was getting really into it. I was so into it that I started dancing (kinda). Let’s just say that my dance was a modified version of the dance below:
I’m completely serious! You couldn’t make this shit up. I was sipping on my chocolate milk with my iPod on full blast, and shaking my shoulders when my boss walks in.
I was going to burst into laughter, but I just paused my iPod and put down my milk (stopped dancing too) and smiled at my boss. And my boss said nothing of it… he just told me what I already know: I’m awesome- and a kick-ass worker.
Loool…. man, I’m going to miss this place (kinda- well, not really).
Anyway, enough about me and my crazy adventures at work. It’s time to help all of you enjoy your mundane jobs. The best way to entertain yourself at work is with Faceball- a revolutionary new game!
Basically, you just throw balls at each others faces- it’s genius! Its especially fun if you play it with a co-worker that doesn’t know you’re playing! What fun!
For the official rules of Faceball and a score sheet click here.
As you should all know by now, I enjoy things that are strange and disturbing. Which is why you shouldn’t piss me off because you know I’m not going to be a girly-girl and just go home and cry. I might cry for 5 minutes but while I’m sobbing I’m going to do something really fucked up to you.
For example, if my boyfriend cheated on me I wouldn’t just get upset, I’d get even. I’d sooo do what the woman below did.
Woman sets ex’s penis on fire
A Russian man is recovering after his ex-wife set fire to his penis.
The woman is reported to have lost her her temper as he sat watching TV – naked and sipping vodka.
It is not clear if the man will make a full recovery, reports Sky News.
“It was monstrously painful,” the injured man told reporters. “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”
Ouch!!! That can’t be pleasant. Oh well, as they say: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”.
The penis-flambe story teaches us two very good lessons:
Lesson One: Ladies, there’s always a way to get even, so stop crying.
Lesson Two: Guys, you think it’s cool and pimp to fuck around with a lot of different girls, eh? Well, one day one of them is going to turn out to be insane and she’s going to set you’re dick on fire. In conclusion: Keep your dick in your pants, and it’ll be out of harm’s way.
What? What is that you guys are saying? I can’t hear you. TURN MY HEADPHONES UP! Uuhhhh!
Oh, oh, you want pictures? Okay. But you have to look at one nasty one first, okay?
How to Prepare a Kiwi
Go little piggy!
Hot Dog Cake
Jesus Goes for the Gold!!