Mmmmmm! Mmmmm! I love sugarfree redbull!!!! Love it!

I just had a can (which I haven’t had in months – because I quit caffeine). I guess I just unquit caffiene. I love the stuff! It tastes awesome and I feel energetic, my foot wont stop tapping. I feel really good. But as is well known “what goes up, must come down”, so I know I’m going to feel pretty shitty quite soon.

But how great it is when you’re up! That’s the catch with drugs (yes, caffeine is a drug): Even if you don’t feel like crap when you are off of them, you know somethings missing when you are without them. You know that you could feel just a little bit better if you had a little. Just a little. Just a little bit to get your head straight *chugs redbull*.

Okay, I am exaggerating my love for redbull but I think that that little intro paved the way really nicely to today’s topic. Drugs! Yay!

Don’t get too excited all you crackwhores and junkies… I just found some interesting drug related links and stories. There’s no free peanutbutter and crack sandwiches here.

______________

Will your potential employer drug test you? Find out!

__________________

Pot vending machines -Its about time!

Marijuana therapy is a part of anger managament? Really? So that’s why I’m angry all the time! This whole time all I needed was some pretty purple haze to calm me down. You can contribute to my therapy by donating to the Prophet Anger Management Fund (soon to accept PayPal payments!).

____________________

Absinthe lollipops?

In case you’re a lazy mo’fo’ that didn’t bother clicking on the link there is one thing you HAVE TO read:

Will these lollipops get me wasted? – Hell fucking yes they will! You’ll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick. The crackhead on the street corner tried one and said it was better than smoking rocks. Try one and you’ll slice an ear off and give it to a hooker before you can say “Damn, I’m tyrannosaurus wrecked, what the hell happened to my ear?”

________________________

That is poetry right there people! Read and learn! Those words up there are classic. I’m probably going to be quoting them for the next few years!

“You’ll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick!”

” Damn, I’m tyrannosaurus wrecked!”

Hahahahaha! Love it!

_____________

Damn y’all, my boss walked in and I had to go to his office where I received the “you are the future, it’s your time to shine” lecture. Its now 3.30 and it looks like I’m not going to get out until atleast 5. Damnit!

 

Save the Spam

February 3, 2008

And so, just like Jesus, I have returned!

The 411:

I reached a point at work, and in my life, where I felt completely blah. Only those who have felt it truly know the blah feeling. Anyway, I decided that I was going to quit this dead-end job. And I went to my boss and I told him that I was quitting. He suggested I take a vacation. And so I thought “okay, I’ll take a paid vacation and if I want to quit afterwards I will”. And so I took a month off. I was stuck here in Kuwait the whole time, which sucked monkey balls, but it was a vacation nonetheless. During this month, I decided that even though this job is retarded (TIMMY!) atleast I get paid decently for the shit I do, my coworkers are pleasant enough, and I can fuck around on the internet. Also, it would be really hard to ragga3 unemployment on a resume or grad application. And so I decided that I would give it another go.

And so, today is my first day back. Everything is pretty much the same, except there is a new Kuwaiti guy working with us now, seems alright. And the work is the same retarded crap, as in it is literally THE SAME. The stuff I had been working on more than a month ago is still not complete. How ridiculous is that?

One important thing has changed: I now have realized that this is a job and not a career. I know that the only reason I’m here is because I need to be. I don’t need to love it, I need to bear it, atleast for now anyway.

And with my job comes the return of my blogging.

Wow, and with that I have suddenly come up with the name of my new blog (I’ve run out of space on this one, remember?) :

And so my new blog is born –

The Chronicles of Random: Resurrection

tcorr.wordpress.com

There’s nothing on there yet, I’ll let you know when its up and running….

Anyway, I started this post with the intent of discussing two things.

First, spam. No, not the processed meat in a can, I mean the crap that gets sent to you via email or as blog comments (blam) trying to sell you junk. You know, “Breast Enhancement Cream: Guaranteed 2 cups in 2 hours!”

Why is it that most of the spam you get is sexual? Porn links, penis enlargement, breast enlargement… etc.

The porn links I might understand, but who would buy some mysterious cream that makes your body parts swell off of the internet? I wonder how many people actually buy that stuff online.

I have to admit that I actually found one blam funny. It was really long and it started off as usual:

“Nude girls sex lolita orgy oral anal blonde pussy gay underage nude midget….”…etc

But then it took an unexpected turn:

“dick threesome refrigerator television radiator….”

That’s some weird ass porn if it includes a radiator and a refrigerator. I wish I’d saved the spam, but alas, I did not.

Now, secondly, I’d like to discuss this whole whole plan to segregate the private schools and universities: WHAT THE FUCK WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING COUNTRY? This country is exponentially regressing.

I don’t agree with segregation in public schools (its the basis of why most of the guys and girls here are so fucked up), but I guess since I’m not paying for it I have no right to complain. But if I pay for my kids to go to a co-ed school, what fucking right do you have to say otherwise? If you don’t want your kids to go to a co-ed school, don’t fucking send them there. Why do my kids have to suffer because of your lame-ass religious issues?

I’ve always thought this shit was ridiculous. I remember when I was in middle school my private co-ed school had a barbecue one evening on a weekend. It was nothing especially interesting, there was bbq, food, and music. I think 3 people may have danced in total. None of them within 10 meters of each other and each surrounded by their friends (of the same sex).

The next thing we hear at school is that some kid told his religious parents that there was a party at school. And that his mom went to the ministry of education and complained about the sin that was occurring at the school. What the fuck? You have the audacity to send your kid to a co-ed school and then complain about an after-school party? I would understand if her kid had to attend mandatory exotic dance classes at school, but this was a completely optional afterschool activity. You have no right to go and ruin it for everybody (which she did because the ministry made a big deal about it). Bitch.

All of the people that force these retarded laws upon us are bitches! Bitches, the lot of you! Fucking useless government and retarded general population… *mumble**grumble*.

The government passes shitty laws and then placates the people by giving them shit like unnecessary pay raises or oil money gifts. And then thanks to the extra cash, which everybody knows is out there, prices go up. And then the people start to complain. Fucking idiots. Its simple economics. But seeing as segregating schools is the priority for the ministry of education I’m not surprised that most people are not educated in the basics of economics. Its so sad that education is the last thing that the Ministry of Education is actually concerned with.

I would really love it if somebody could point out something that the government is actually doing well. I like the social security system but when I think of the millions of retards that it supports, that basically don’t do shit all their lives, it would probably be better if it were different. I also always liked the fact that the government supplied free healthcare. But once you actually see the grimy insides of public hospitals and how fucking unorganized and inefficient they are I think that that the government can take the healthcare system and shove it. I’ll leave out the horror stories about death and mistreatment by incompetent and overworked public doctors. I’ll tell you a simple tale about me trying to go see an endocrinologist. I have to go to the mustawsaf who will schedule an appointment for me to see an internal medicine doctor in 3 months and then, God-willing, that doctor will give me an appointment 3 months from then to see an endocrinologist.

6 months… lovely.

This country is going to the shitter. Bitches.

And on that sweet note I bid you adieu!

Wooohoo! It’s Thursday bitches!!!!! I feel really good today. Even though I probably shouldn’t because somebody that works here just passed away yesterday. Allah yer7ama. And what’s really bad about it is what I thought when I first heard; “I wonder if they’ll give me his office”. I know, I know, I’m bad. But it isn’t my fault. First of all, the fact that I’ve been working here for 7 months and they still haven’t technically given me an office makes me feel that I need to take advantage of whatever opportunity comes my way. They’ve jaded me. I mean for God’s sake, I’ve been working here for 7 months and only today did they give me my own calculator. And I work in a motherfucking financial institution, a calculator is supposed to be the first thing you get. For 7 months I’ve been clicking away on my Windows calculator. I know I could’ve brought my own calculator, but I think that would’ve just increased my output and efficiency and they obviously don’t want that around here OTHERWISE THEY WOULD’VE GIVEN ME A FRIGGIN’ CALCULATOR.

Anyway, death and calculators aside, I feel pretty good today!

I think I would feel a little better if I ruin your days…. MUHAHAHAA!!! So I’m going to tell you a little story about myself and then lecture you (the lecture basically applies to females and some gay men):

People who know me know that I’m not exactly physically vain. i.e. I never ever put on tons of make up, most of the time I don’t wear any makeup at all, I don’t insist on wearing the latest fashions, I basically try to stay kinda simple and zen. A couple of months ago I got a huge lecture from a friend of mine basically stating: “Prophet! You’re a girl! You have to beautify yourself! You have to take care of your nails! Go get regular manicures!…etc.”

This girl’s nails are always manicured to perfection. They are always painted. Never a chip. She is more than a regular at the top nail places (N-Bar, N-Syle…etc.). And I have to admit her nails look good.

My nails aren’t bad. I always keep them clean, usually cut short, and I never bite them. I think they are okay. They’re normal.

Anyway, after her lecture, I think “Okay, how bad can it be? I’ll go to N-Bar every week or so”. Even though I hate being stuck in a chair for more than hour (I get butt-cramps).

Fast-forward a month or two. I start thinking: I’m not exactly into this, I don’t enjoy it getting it done, I’m trying to simply myself and my life not make it more complicated, why the hell am I doing this again?

So I decide I’m done with this whole getting manicures. If I want to paint my nails every once in a while I can do it myself. So that’s it I decide to take the polish off my nails. Lo and behold! My nails are yellowish! WTF? They were never like this! I look like I have freaking jaundice!

Basically, after researching it turns out nail polish tends to stain your nails. I was thinking, nail polish is basically a bunch of colors and chemicals that you are putting on your body, is staining really the worst of it? And guess what? It isn’t.

I’ll give you the summary of the worst of it: A chemical used in many nail polishes called DBP (dibutyl phthalate) which increases durability of nail polish has been shown to be a carcinogen and result in underdeveloped genitals and fertility problems in unborn males. So basically, it’ll increase your chances of getting cancer and your sons are going to have smaller dicks.

Now, I don’t want you to completely freak out, because at this moment there is still much debate concerning DBP. Lots of the companies that use it state that the amount the humans are exposed to is not enough to have these effects. Other environmental and consumer groups disagree. Anyway, there is research supporting both sides. The one thing that is undisputed is that your body does absorb the chemical. The long-term effects at this point are unclear.

So ladies, and gay men that get their nails polished, if you consistently polish your nails I truly think you are putting yourself at risk. Therefore don’t come complaining to me when your sons can’t please women, I warned you.

But don’t worry ladies! There is still hope for your vanity! Some cosmetics manufacturers have started making nail polish free of DBP. “Estee Lauder is among some major brands that have done that. But many others have not, including salon favorite OPI, cult fave Essie and ubiquitous bargain brand Sally Hansen. In 2004, OPI was forced to remove DBP from its polishes sold in Europe after the European Union banned it along with many other personal-care product ingredients known or strongly suspected of causing cancer, mutations or birth defects.”

Essie… Sound familiar? That’s right! Its that wonderful stuff they use at n-bar and n-style. Cancer, yum!

Now, some of you poor girls are probably sobbing in your seats, asking the question: “Why? Why Prophet? Why would companies sell what they know to be cancerous products? They wouldn’t, would they?”

My response is: Yeah they would retards! TIMMY! Why wouldn’t they? If it makes their product “better” and they could get away with it, why not? Do you remember how many years it took for the tobacco industry to admit that cigarettes were a carcinogen? Why should they admit to selling a dangerous product if it makes them billions? And, yes, they make billions upon billions. Thanks to the vanity of women the cosmetics industry is ONE OF THE MOST PROFITABLE INDUSTRIES on the planet.

Anyway, the power is yours!

Earth!
Fire!
Wind!
Water!
Heart!

GO PLANET!

With your powers combined I am Captain Planet!

Captain Planet, he’s our hero,
Gonna take pollution down to zero,
He’s our powers magnified,
And he’s fighting on the planet side

Captain Planet, he’s our hero,
Gonna take pollution down to zero,
Gonna help him put us under,
Bad guys who like to loot and plunder

“You’ll pay for this Captain Planet!”

(chanting)
We’re the planeteers,
You can be one too!
‘Cause saving our planet is the thing to do,
Looting and polluting is not the way,
Hear what Captain Planet has to say:

“THE POWER IS YOURS!”

What my co-workers have actually walked in on me doing

Haha! Just messin’ with ya!

Cool staple remover

2.% Mil euro guitar?…oh….

Good Idea. Bad Idea.

Hooray!

Who’s a good boy?

Disturbing children’s book 

My mom didn’t used to let me walk my dog because “it isn’t safe” it would’ve been more than safe if I had this dog…

Only in America

Mini-Video Time! In this one, a guy tries to snatch this tiny lady’s purse. But he gets owned! You go girl!!!

Video

 

PS: The crap make-up you put on your face can’t be that much better. According to an article I recently read in Bazaar magazine, women that apply makeup everyday absorb I think something like 4 lbs. of chemicals every year. SHASTY (Shitty and Nasty!!)!!!

 

You know how I feel right now? I feel like I want to put my hands around somebody’s neck and squeeze real real hard. And then, while still keeping a firm grip around the neck knock the head repeatedly against a cold hard floor…. I’m not talking about anybody specific (although I hate alot of people and many of them deserve to die). I just feel really really pissed. Okay, I’ll take it slow…. *harp music* *flashback*

Okay, as you guys may have realized, I haven’t posted in a while. The end of last week I was busy with work crap. The only important work-related highlight of last week is that I got my boss to send a letter to HR saying that I was not to be a trainee but to become an “officer”. How? With a little thing called persistence, my friends. And with a little bit of disease. You don’t say “no” to a person who was just diagnosed with a disease. (I really actually was diagnosed with anemia). So anyway, I told my boss that I was horribly ill. And I told him that everybody was consistently lying to me about my designation and confirmation and that this was not what I’d signed up for and *whine, whine, whine*. Anyway, he eventually gave in. And after he did, I told him I was taking a couple of days off to recover (not bad eh?).

And thats why I haven’t been posting.

And the drama continues….

I show up to this hellhole called work today to find out that the job title he gave me does not even exist around here. Which, upon further thought, I think might be a good thing. Here’s why:

HR (which I like to think stands for Horribly Retarded) does not have a job descrpition for this new title. Now you’d think that they’d create one, seeing as its their job, but that might actually require some form of intelligence. So ofcourse, they ask my boss to send them a full job description. As if my boss will even entertain the idea of doing some kind of work. Soooooo ultimately I (indirectly) have the opportunity to write my own job description. Muhahahahaaaa!!!!! If things roll the right way, my boss won’t even read the thing before he sends it off (huge possibility) and so I’m thinking I’ll be “Officer”- Responsibilities include whipping teaboys, choreographing official corporate dance, DJing of hiphop elevator music, and drawing nipples on the shirts of all retards with a permanent marker. What do you think?

So anyway, back to reality… another thing I find once I walk into my office is some random Indian dude sitting at my table. What the fuck? And so I ask him: “Uhhhh… hi…. I’m sorry but this is my office, may I please ask what the fuck you’re doing here?”

Turns out that he’s some new guy that was hired and of course they throw him in my office. He asks really politely if he can stay for the day. And I say its fine. An hour later his division head comes over to inform me that he’ll be sitting in my office for a few days. Seriously, what the fuck? But you know what? Its fine, because its exactly this type of retarded “we have no respect for you or your space” shit that motivates me and excuses my demotivation and fuckery for this job. Really. I’m 100% sure that I could do the job of any motherfucking person here and actually do it well. But why should I? Why should I take a maskhara place like this seriously? They don’t deserve shit. And people bring up the arguement “but they pay you”. Sure they do. They pay me to come here and work. But for each peice of bullshit they pull I deduct a certain amount of work from my load. Just like they deduct my salary if I’m late. I’m being just as professional as they are. You get what you give baby.

Anyway, despite my “fuck y’all” attitude this place still stresses me out. I’m just not a person who can suffer so much bullshit. I seriously need to get out of this fucking country, because this place is seriously just a reflection of this nation. I need to leave. Seriously, I need to leave here with the knowledge that I don’t ever have to come back…. The problem is my parents don’t let me leave even though I tell them that living here is literally killing me, physically and mentally. I’m miserable here. Unfortunately, they know this and they don’t really care. I mean I know they care that I’m miserable but they completely wont entertain the idea of me leaving. I guess they prefer a miserable daughter over one that isn’t with them. Which I get (in theory, but not in reality).

I’m guessing this is why I’m very susceptable to fits of rage and violence (I really am…. I’m trying to become more zen… but I still wouldn’t suggest anybody really fuck with me). And you know what’s really scary, I enjoy hurting people. Its brings me great pleasure. I guess that its the only way I feel like I can release my frustration (that’s not true- comedy works too)…. I’ve tried exercise. But its just not the same… I guess I’m shaping up to be one great serial killer, dont you think? I’ll kill people but then somehow make a joke of it…. maybe I could have my one comedy / horror show on HBO someday *dream*….

Anyway, enough about me and my psychotic tendencies…. I need get going so its link time!

Silhouette Materperice Theater

Laser Printer

This is me

Awww…..

I’m waiting for this…

World’s Best Phobias

Dance :this is sooo Chirp – Lol

Whoop whoop!

October 22, 2007

Yeah, I took a day off…. I didn’t bother coming to work yesterday. I was tired and, honestly, why bother? Anyway, as sad as I am to say it, I’m back at work. I really can’t take it that much longer. The whole thing. Not just work. Life in Kuwait, in general. The whole thing blows and sucks at the same time.

I really have to get out of here (Kuwait). Living here sucks the life out of me (physically as well as mentally). Its like some kind of new evil torture.

Damn it, hold on, I spot my boss, the retard. I need to have a conversation with him. Actually, you know what? Screw it. I don’t feel like dealing with him now. I don’t know if I told you guys about the whole “I’m a trainee” thing. Here’s a summary of it:

When I was hired, I was told that I would be a “trainee” for the first 100 days I was employed (Basma Basma told me this). Fair enough (even though the motherfuckers didn’t train me for shit). Anyway, so 100 days in the retards still didn’t confirm me. I go to HR and ask about my confirmation. And HR gives me the regular shitty excuses for not doing their work:

“Oh its with Mahmood Mahmood.”

Okay. Mahomood, where is it?

“Uhhh.. duhhhh… I don’t have it, that’s not my job. Basma Basma is supposed to have it.”

Okay. Basma, where’s my confirmation?

“Ummm…. I don’t have it. Blah blah… is supposed to have it. You go and come back later.”

Okay. Weeks of me going and 7inning pass to no avail. Just more excuses…like “it got lost, we need to print it again”.

Until one day, basically, 2 months late. They give me my confirmation letter. Time to celebrate, you’d think. But noooooooooooooo. The shiteaters give me a confirmation letter that says my confirmed position will be “trainee”. That shit don’t fly with me, bitches. So I go to Basma. And basically ask her in a polite way: “What is this fucking shit? You whore! You said I’d be a trainee for 3 months. And now you give me this shit, 5 months in, that says my job is a “trainee”. I’m going bitchslap seven shades of shit out of you, you gimpish streetwalker! ”

She goes on to defend her position to say that “she never said that” (the lying whore). And that their policy is you’re a trainee for 6 months. And if I want to become a “full-fledged employee” in my unit before the 6 months, that my GM has to write some kind of recommendation.

Fine, off I go to my boss, the retard. And I tell him that he has to write HR a recommendation. And he is like “yeah sure! whatever you need darling! flippity flippity! faggoty fag! I’m just going to talk to the pimp of HR, and ask him what he recommends your official position should be.”

Ummmm…. okay… just get it done.

So days pass and I get an email from my boss to go see the HR pimp. So I go. Now, you’d think that when you have problems with a whore like Basma her pimp would take care of it. But again, noooooooooooooooooo. This guys makes I am Sam look like a genius.

Okay, so I explain my story to the pimp. “Basma said this when I was hired, and now she’s saying this. Whats the dealio, yo?” The pimp decides to avoid the question.

“Why are you concerned about your official designation? You should be concerned about your work! Your job title isn’t important.”

“I’m concerned about my job title, because it IS important. Maybe not to you it isn’t, but to me it is, motherfucker. And don’t you worry your trashy little ass about my work, everybody says my work is damn fine, ask anybody. Now, like I said what’s the deal?”

Again he avoids the question. “You’re still on the learning curve *simulates a wave with his hands*. You should be concerned about your learning.”

Me: “What learning curve motherfucker? You couldn’t teach a chimp to scratch his ass. Now, again I’ve been here long enough to no longer be considered a trainee.

Pimp: Do you do work?

Me: Hell yeah, motherfucker. Do you, asshair?

Him: Like what do you do?

Me: I do *name multiple projects*. *Pimp swallows his tongue and shuts the fuck up*So one last time, jackass, what is your real policy? 100 days? 6 months? What is the motherfucking deal?”

Pimp: “Well…. umm…. there is no time limit to you being a trainee….”

Me: “What the fuck? You’ve got to be shitting me! So you can technically keep me a trainee for 2 years-”

Pimp: “No we wouldn’t do that-”

Me: “How the fuck can I believe that when you have no fucking written policy and all of you pieces of horse shit lie to me about everything? How the hell am I supposed to know when I’m no longer a trainee?”

Pimp: “Well, that’s up to your boss… he recommends you.”

Me: “Thats what I’m telling you, you fucking retard! My GM was supposedly just going to ask you my official designation. What the fuck did you say?”

Pimp: “Uhhh… I said you should stay a trainee.”

Me: “But that’s technically not your decision is it?”

Pimp: “No… its your GM’s decision.”

Me: “Why the hell am I talking to a dipshit like you then?” *get up and leave*

Baby Jesus Christ, do you guys see the fucked-up retards I have to deal with? And you ask why I’m so frustrated and violent. If I wasn’t surrounded by “people” like this I would be so much more pleasant.

Anyway, so now I’m at a point where I have to go and talk to my boss and tell him to send them a motherfucking recommendation. The thing is I’m not a complete idiot and I know the only reason my boss got the pimp involved in the first place is to have him tell me the bad news of not changing my status. That’s how my boss works: He pretends to be all nice to you but then he gets other people to do his dirty work so you can’t blame him. Sly dirty motherfucker. But that shit don’t fly with me, I’m just trying to compose myself so that I don’t knock his cocky ass out when I’m talking to him. So I need to talk to him… and I know what I’m going to say and everything, but whenever I see him, I get this uncontrollable urge to spit at him. And I can’t do that, because then he definitely won’t recommend me.

I know what I write about work can get me fired, and there’s probably some guy from IT reading all of this right now, but honestly, I don’t care. And honestly, if you jerkoffs actually ran this business semi-professionally I wouldn’t be writing all this. But all of you deserve to lose your silly ass jobs, if you what to call the cocksucking you do a job. Fuck all of you! I hate all you people that work here! Die! Die! Die!

*Long sigh* Ahhhhhhhhhh…….. I feel soooo much better now that I got all that out. No wonder they say writing is therapeutic. There’s nothing more therapeutic than writing swearwords about people you hate.

Anyway…. lets get to the fun parts!

6 Weirdest Foods

Awesome Cruiseship

For all you people that drink pepsi….etc.

You know what would be funny?

For all you guys out there – your dream job

I want one of these soooo bad

For real

CarDust Pictures – For Tooomz

I’m sooooooooo going to buy one of these and carry it with me. There are so many bitches I could use it on. Kuwait is full of them.

 

And last but not least. A Mini Retarded Video! This is why I think wreslting is for kids and retards:

Video

See? A nice long post to make up for the missed ones. Don’t say I don’t treat you nice. I treat you as nice as I would any other homeless people I know. With that, I’m off. To do what? I don’t know. I live my life on the edge… not knowing whats going to happen from one minute to the next! Crazy, I know! But that’s how I roll! Whoop whoop!

Post #769

October 17, 2007

Owwww…. my toes hurt. *whine* Seriously my big toes hurt. I think I might have a mild case of ingrown nail. Not cool, I know, but it happens. Why do we have toenails anyway? We don’t really need them. I understand why we have fingernails. I mean, fingernails you can use to….ummmm….. pick your nose…. ummmm…. measure the perfect snort of cocaine and …. ummm…. ummm… remove stickers from things. See? Finger nails are useful. But toenails are pretty useless. You can’t really do any of that stuff with your toenails (well, I guess you technically could if you’re really flexible). But for the most part, toenails are just an annoyance. So, I’ve decided to get my toenails removed . Okay, so maybe I won’t get them removed but I want to because toenails suck ass.

You know what else is wrong with the human body? We’re missing tails. I want a tail. A nice long furry tail that I can cuddle with when I’m going to sleep. A nice long tail that I can play with when I’m lonely. A tail that I can hug when I’m crying. *sob* Oh, I’m sooo lonely! *wail*

Just kidding, but seriously, having a tail would be awesome. It would keep flies and mosquitoes away from you. You could smack people in the face with your tail when they annoy you and then say “Oh, that silly tail has a mind of its own!”. So many things to do once you have a tail! The possibilities are endless!

Oh, hold on, I’ve got some work to do. Actual work. Credit division work…. sweet!

Damn you guys, this work looks like its going to take a while…. we’re going to have to finish this tomorrow.

BTW: WordPress saved this post as #769. Which is weird, I haven’t written that many posts have I? Go and count them, will you? Let  me know how many I have.  C’mon, chip chop! Snippity snap!

 

Ethnic Cleansing

October 16, 2007

Welcome back children! Welcome back to your retarded 8-3 (or 9-5) workdays, for which you will be paid the same meager amount of money that you were paid during ramadan when you were working half the time and doing the same shit. What a pleasure it is to be back, isn’t it?

I don’t completely hate coming back right now because my boss isn’t here. No boss means, no work (or rather no need to pretend to work). Just sitting here sipping my chocolate milk and surfing the net. Which I do on regular days except now there’s no worry I’m going to get some retarded-ass, below-me task to do. I technically was assigned crap to do this week, but honestly, fuck it. Drinking this chocolate milk is more challenging than the shit I have to do. Suck, gargle, swallow, wipe mouth, repeat. That’s the Prophet way of drinking. And ofcourse each sip much be followed with a loud “Ahhhhhhhh!”.

Anyway, enough about work, there are a couple of more things to talk about before I get to the main topic of this post. The first of which is that its finally happened. No… I haven’t lost my virginity (I just “misplaced”it). I’m talking about the fact that I have been finally been identified. Somebody (who I haven’t told) knows my true identity. I’ve been waiting for this (not that its that hard to do if you pay attention to the things that I say). So now, its my turn. This is for you Blondie: I’ve narrowed you down to pretty much one person. Say hi to 7adjiya for me…. am I right? I am sooooooo right! Woooohooooo! The Prophet prevails! And I had only one hint. *gulp* I hope I’m right.

Anyway, something else I should probably mention: I didn’t bother to get a domain or wireless internet. Even though I’ve had the time. I really can’t be bothered. I think I should get a personal assistant to do these things for me. But then again I can’t really be bothered to look for a personal assistant. Its a vicious cycle. Its a disease. Laziness should be treated with medication in my opinion. Psychotherapy wouldn’t work because if you lay me down on a leather couch and start talking about “feelings”, I’d be asleep in 5.

Jesus! It’s freaking freezing in here! I can’t even think. Hold on you guys…. I’m going to call maintenance to turn of this friggin’ AC…..

Okay, I’m back…. Stupid maintenance still didn’t come and its been 20 minutes. TIMMY!

Let me put up so mildly entertaining things for you before I get into the important topic of ethnic cleansing:

Sand Sculptures

Bruc Lee Loves Birthdays

I hate these: Pictures in pictures in pictures…..

Transparent Frogs Used for Research

I’ve been thinking of dying my cat- this is a cool idea

 

Now for a mini-retarded video! This video reminds me of when I was a kid. I used to watch Animaniacs alot. There was this segment called Good Idea-Bad Idea. For example, they would show somebody taking a shower and they’d say GOOD IDEA. Then they’d show somebody taking a shower with a toaster and consequently getting electrocuted. BAD IDEA.

 

The following video is a BAD IDEA:

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Okay, on to our topic of the day, ethnic cleansing. Lets get something straight first before you people start whining that killing people is wrong… blah blah blah, I don’t believe in killing people because of their ethnicity, religion, color… etc. So maybe “ethnic cleansing” is the incorrect term but it is the most appropriate in this case. Because what I intend to do ( if once I have the power) is kill a certain type of people. Geezy people. You know who I’m talking about. Those fugly boys with spiky hair that walk around marina hitting on girls. Those whorish girls with kilos of makeup on their face that prance around muhallab looking for dick. Basically Kuwaiti trash. The Kuwaiti trash epidemic transcends social classes, religious views, and wealth lines. You find rich trash and poor trash. Its everywhere people! And its time to clean up!

I think a system should be installed where geezy people are penalized. Not with fines but with beatings. I have an extreme version involving concentration and “rehabilitation” camps for offenders. That might be too extreme. So I’ll go with one of my brother’s suggestions. A sort of more vigilante approach. My little brother proposed that he basically gets a beatup reinforced pickup and along with a bunch of his friends beat up trash that they see wherever they go. I like it. Except, these vigilante groups would be really hard to monitor, and alot of things could potentially go wrong. But its a start and something has to be done about these people.

Why they’d need a beat-up pickup? Well, so that they don’t feel bad when they run into geezy people and their cars. Like, for example, this whole new thing where people put ‘strass’ (fake diamonds) on their cars. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!

What the hell is wrong with people? You know what that is? You know what that is? Its nouveau riche its motherfucking nigga rich! What do you hope people will think when they see that shit on your car? That your car is pretty? That you are classy? C’mon you can’t be that retarded to think others actually think that. Well, then again you might be with that shit on your car. Only retarded people would do that and then go “Oooooo! Shiny!”.

You know what I think when I see that out on the road? I think “Get your silly-ass car out of my way before I run you the fuck over. Motherfucker.” I don’t care if you have an Isuzu or a Porsche if it has that shit on it your car is automatically silly-ass, you will get no respect and you frankly don’t deserve any. If any of you, my dear readers, have that crap on your car, I don’t want to know about it. Actually, if you have that crap on your car stop reading my blog, I’m ashamed of you. Actually, I’m more than ashamed, I’m disgusted. Leave! Just leave!

Seriously, whats Kuwait coming to? Look at the people in our malls, on our streets. Look at what society praises and deems important. Sure, there are a couple of good people around here. But in general, can you say you are proud of the majority of the people around here? I can’t. And that’s a shame, a damn shame.

But I don’t think its too late. I think that with ethnic cleansing, immense restructuring of the education system and reevaluation of morals, we can still save this country! Who’s with me?

Sara: “I am!”

Mick: “I am!”

Lolli: “Me too!”

Sabeecha: “Haman ana!”

Rover: “Woof!”

 

*Sara, Mich, Lolli, Sabeecha, and Rover are my alternate personalities. And they TOTALLY agree with me! See? I have people who support me and love me!

 

Okay people, now stay calm and don’t panic…. I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is that this webblog is at 96% capacity. Now the good news is…. ummm… uuuuhhh…. Oh God! I lied! I LIED! There is no good news! I’m doomed! This blog is doomed!!!!!!!! *hyperventilate** panic attack*

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.

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Okay, now that I’ve regained my regal composure I can explain the situation more clearly: WordPress gives me 50MB for this blog. Thanks to the tons of pictures and crap I put up I’ve already used up 96%. Now, lets stay calm and rational people. Shut up there! You in the corner! Stop your screaming! Calm down everbody! THERE ARE MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE! But don’t worry I’m sure we can find a solution! I need the help all you experienced bloggers out there: What’s the best (and cheapest-I’m from the Hasaa region) way to keep this blog going? Buy a web address perhaps? Suggestions please people, otherwise this entire blog will continue sans pictures and comics. And that would be a tragedy.

Okay, so meanwhile we will have to sustain ourselves on biscuits and urine links. So here we go:

  1. World’s Largest Swimming Pool – This thing is amazing!
  2. A True Bad Ass – For some reason this seems familiar I might have posted about it before.
  3. If you’re going to die…
  4. Hollywood Squares
  5. Light Graffiti
  6. Now this last link is for all you guys out there. All you guys with your big muscles thinking you’re a man’s man and you’re tough. Everybody knows that what makes a real man is awesome facial hair and with that I give you: The 2007 World Beard and Moustache Championship!

That’s all for now. I know, I know, its just not the same without pictures. But all we can do is pray. Pray my children. Pray that God will send down upon us an IT blessing that will allow us to continue our small humor-filled breaks that take us away from our mundane lives if but for a moment. Pray my children. *whispers*: pray…..

*Siiiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhh*

October 8, 2007

Yeah, I know I haven’t posted in a week. I just don’t really feel like it. But the funny thing is I still haven’t even gone to buy an e-go yet. Yeah, I know, I’m lazy. Anyway, so I’m back to blogging from my office computer.

*Sighhh* I’m really tired you guys. I feel like my body and my mind are slowly breaking down. I’m tired all the time, my hand shakes alot, and I can barely think (let alone work). I get like this alot. Sometimes, I get better, sometimes I’m so tired I can’t move. I still haven’t figured out what’s wrong with me. I’ve been to a slew of doctors and they can’t figure out what’s wrong either. They always think its mono. Which its not cuz mama didn’t raise no whore. Secondly, its not because the mono test always comes out negative. I’ve also been tested for rare crap like lyme disease, which I’m also negative for. My thyroid function is also normal. I’m not sure how it is at this moment but about a year ago when I tested, I had I high SED rate. Even though I was technically not sick. The problem with having a high SED rate is that it indicates you have a problem but it doesn’t tell you what the problem is. Here are some possibilities:

  • Infection
  • Inflammatory diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis and lupus
  • Blood cancers, such as leukemia and lymphoma
  • Cancers that have spread (metastasized)

Let’s go through the list. First of all, infection: That’s a very general word. But I would say it isn’t an infection because I don’t have a fever. And everybody know infections=fever. Second, inflammatory diseases: I don’t know much about rheumatoid arthritis, so I guess that’s one possibility. As for lupus, well, “its never lupus”. Last, cancer: I sure hope I don’t have that but then again when I think of it I am at risk to get it (genetically and environmentally). But then again I doubt I have cancer because then my lymph nodes would swell up right?

Although there isn’t much to go on, I want you to play a game called “Diagnose the Prophet”. I want you to suggest a disease that I may have and why you think I have it… it’ll be fun (be creative people- and this is also an opportunity to learn something new). So c’mon, help me find out my disease.

My guess is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

______________

Yeah, I know those were complimakated medikal wurds. Don’t worry I won’t confuse you with any more (the piece above was for all you medical buffs, not TIMMY!). Anyway, on with the comics!

 

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Nephew

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Freak

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Bros

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Caps Lock

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Mini-Retarded-Video!

 

 

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Hi there kiddos!

I’ve been found out! My boss informed me today that I am the 2nd highest user of the internet of this wonderful institution (And where I work is pretty big). I think I should get an award. My boss doesn’t feel the same way. So anyway, I have to stop using the internet. But don’t worry I’m planning to bring my laptop to work from now on, with my own internet connection. And that way I can blog, watch porn, and work at the same time, and nobody can say a single thing to me! Hooray! Hooray!

So anyway chicos and chicas, I’m not going to be posting for a couple of days until I get things in order, ok?

Oh yeah, before I sign off, I have to tell you that along with the whole “don’t use the internet” conversation came me exposing Rafeek for the rat that he is. Basically, not much came from it. He was just told not to do it again. But while he was being “told off” I was sitting right there staring at him with the an expression on my face that conveyed the message “Whatcha gonna do now, bitch!”. That makes it soooo worth it.

Can you read that Rafeek? You spying motherfucker! Don’t fucking touch my computer again! I’ll break your stubby little fingers, you bastard! And you know how I’ll do it? I’ll walk in and see you typing, grab the keyboard from under your fingers, and using the keyboard I’m gonna smash those stubby little fuckers into pulp! Pulp, motherfucker! Pulp! Pulp so fine I’m gonna drink that shit when I’m done! *I spit at you*

Oh yeah, I’m not getting the office I told you guys about, fucking red tape. So what if “new senior management” is being hired? What the hell does that mean? “New senior management” my ass. Just because they get paid more and work more than me doesn’t make them more valuable than me. Well, then again, I guess it does, but I provide this place with laughter and happiness, and you can’t put a price on that *sob*.

Anyway, its time for me to go, those internet minutes just keep racking up (hmmm…. maybe if I get 1st place they’ll give me a cake….Mmmm…cake….)

Goodbye my children, see you in a little while.

 

 

Ninja Chicken

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Good One, Dad

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Interview Tip

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Fundies!

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It was too late before they realized….

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Twin Fun

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Bands that Rock

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No fucking teddy bears!

September 27, 2007

Meh…. I don’t really feel like posting. But its 1:12 PM and I have a good hour and fifteen minutes to kill. I’ve been trying to plan my little sister’s 21st birthday party looking for venues and DJs online (she’s in the US). What she doesn’t know, is that I’m also planning to hire some bodyguards to attend the party. Some of you might be thinking well “then she can’t go completely wild! That’s not fair, you got a bodyguard-free 21st”. And you are completely right! But there are somethings you need to know. First, I don’t want her going wild (even though she is 10 times more sane than me). Also, my 21st birthday was bodyguard-free but it was also party-free. It was horrible. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life *sob*. Seriously, it was really traumatic. I was still in college but back in Kuwait for the summer. I was given a cake and a teddy bear. A fucking teddy bear!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I don’t expect my parents to give me a bottle of vodka or anything. But a fucking teddy bear? I was so traumatized. It was my 21st….. so sad. Ever since then I have this 3iqda, I have to have a crazy birthday party every year, or atleast a decent one. No fucking teddy bears!

My 22nd was amazing, I’d decided that “fuck everyone, I’m giving myself an amazing party”. I went out and rented a sushi bar/ restaurant for one night. Complete with dancefloor and DJ. And being a sushi bar, there was a long ass u-shaped bar where the bartender served drinks to everyone. It was so much fun. One of my best friends flew down from Miami, just for my birthday. Those were the days!

One of the things that distinctly sticks out from that night was my toast. I remember, a friend of mine said “Prophet, you’d really be the shit if you got everybody at the bar to drink a shot at the same time”.

Me: Watch this.

I proceeded to buy shots for everybody that was sitting at the bar (even some uninvited people that snuck in) and I told them not to drink it until I told them to (this part was hard- my friends are alcoholics that didn’t understand why I was making them wait to consume alcohol). After getting all the shots (I don’t even know how many they were- 30 maybe). I stood up on a stool, high above everybody, and gave my magnificent toast:

“To all you bitches and motherfuckers! This is for my motherfucking birthday! Drink up bitches!”

Looooooooooooooool! I think everybody was shocked at my toast but they all went wild nonetheless- cheers for the magnificent Prophet. Damn! Those were the good times!

Needless to say, I proved I am the shit! Yeah baby!

Anyway, back to our original topic. I want my sister to have an awesome 21st unlike mine that will forever be a blackspot in my heart. And anyway, I can get her a bodyguard because I’m going to be paying for the whole party, therefore its my decision.

Its 1:51 PM now. No I’m not a horribly slow typer. I’ve been having discussions with co-workers intermittently. Oh yeah, which reminds me, I’ve decided I’m going to talk to my boss about Rafeek and his wrong-doings. Homeboy’s going down! Actually, I can’t be sure of that, my boss might want to keep him seeing as he serves as his little spy. We’ll see. My skills of persuasion may be a little rusty, but I think I can cause a little stir. Muahahahahha!

This is completely me!

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Dance Seizure

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Sudoku

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Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

September 26, 2007

So I walk into work today, ready to start my web browsing ritual, when I notice I can’t login to my bloody computer. Somebody else had previously logged in and forgot to log out. The good thing is it displays the person’s name. The weird thing was it was our ex-secretary (Jenny) that got moved to another floor, why the hell would she have logged into my computer? And she would have had to have logged in after work hours yesterday (after I left), or before I got in this morning.

This required further investigation. So I go up to our new secretary (let’s call her Missy) and ask her about the situation and if I could get old secretary’s phone number. Missy tells me that Jenny gave the teaboy (Rafeek) her login name and password so he could fuck around whenever he was bored.

Oh really? Now let me tell you a little something about Rafeek. He is this little Indian (or Sri Lankan- same difference) dude who gives you attitude if you tell him to do something like bring you tea (which is his fucking job). He also conveniently “forgets” (ignores) to do half the shit you tell him to do, and if he does do it takes him a year. To make things worse, the little rat is a spy. Seriously, he spies for our boss, and constantly reports our activities to him. Anyway, as you can tell, I’m not a fan.

So anyway, I go to Rafeek and ask him straight up “Did you login to my computer?”.

Rafeek: *moments pause* No.

My initial thought is liar, liar, pants on fire! But I know better than to say that.

Prophet: Oh okay, so I’ll just go and ask Jenny if she came and logged into my computer. Before I do that, I’m going to ask you one more time: Did you login to my computer?

Rafeek: *puts his head down in shame- pretend shame because he has none* Yes.

Prophet: Come into my office and log out.

Rafeek proceeds to do as he is told, for the first bloody time in his life, and the following conversation ensues (I wish I could have told him what’s really on my mind but I’m trying to maintain the “I’m nice” image around here – which he has taken advantage of).

Rafeek: Ummm… I used it because sometimes management calls and they want something from the internet.

At this point your probably thinking what I was thinking (again liar liar) but this one is obvious. You are a motherfucking teaboy. And a retarded one at that. What management would call you to do shit, motherfucker? But I’m too polite to say that.

Prophet: Uh-huh. Yeah. I’m sure. But next time, you could ask my permission first, and when I ask you about it, you don’t lie to me.

Rafeek: *hangs head* okay.

I am way too fucking nice. But at this moment I own that motherfucker. From now on I command him. He’s a big liar, and now he knows that I know and I have proof and witnesses (Missy). If it wasn’t ramadan, I’d have told him to “get me tea! on the double! *finger snap*”. He’d probably spit in it, but that’s besides the point. I own you bitch, you’d better not disrespect me or else I will voice very loudly, and in a very embarrassing way for you, how your are a lying motherfucker.

________________

In more office news, I’m finally getting an office, a real office that’s just for me. Hoora! And I’m going to be so protective of it. Nobody sits and touches my shit. As in if I catch Rafeek touching my computer sitting on my chair I swear to God I’m going to try my utmost to have him fired. And I really think I will be able to. Just go to HR and tell them that the security of information in our division has been compromised, and there is major internal risk, because I’ve noticed people have been sharing their logins and passwords with unauthorized personnel (ie. Rafeek), which results in huge risk issues for this fine establishment. Such unauthorized personnel have access to confidential documents (the secretary worked for our GM) and could leak them to our competitors at any time. What a horrible scandal that would be if that happen! So I would request that Rafeek be fired (Jenny would probably be fired too- too bad she’s nice- but sacrifices must be made for the greater good). And also, in return for my silence- you know not causing a stir, I want a bigger office, a bonus, and I want to bring my cat to work.

I think they’d give me what I want (okay, well, maybe not the cat thing :( ). Or what I could do is threaten Rafeek with me ratting him out and make him my personal slave. “Rafeek, I need to put my feet up. No, no, don’t get me another chair. Get down on all fours. That’s right. Ahhhhhhhhh……”

So what do you think? Better salary or personal slave. Better salary is cool but you can’t put a price on slavery, that comes from black mail the heart.

______________________

Yeah, so you know, how I said I’ve lost my feelings? Well, as is proven from the story above, and as was pointed out by a friend, I still derive a small amount of pleasure from evil things. Maybe that means I’m going to become a serial killer… Hmmmmm *evil grin*.

____________________

On to the randomness!

First, a statement in relation to out first story. I quit red bull a while back because I realized I was just putting crap in my body that I didn’t need. I would drink two cans at work, in an attempt to stay awake. They I realized that there was no need to be alert (or concious at all for that matter) in this place. So anyway I quit Red Bull. But I wouldn’t have if I’d known this.

I have now decided to distribute red bull to everybody I know. FREE RED BULL FOR EVERYONE!

In other news, I thought this was a beautiful story. I need a pigeon. Something that would love me unconditionally. *sob* I’m so lonely. Lol.

Now, that I think of it, a pigeon is a bad choice. I could imagine me going. “I love you Tweety, you’re my bestest friend ever!” *cooo* * I bring Tweety closer to my face to kiss him affectionately* *Tweety pecks my eyes out- “The Birds” style*.

Birds are evil creatures and they carry the bird flu! Evil, evil creatures!

________________

 

Anyway, for those of you that care about your sneakers, your coolness, and your street cred, may care to know about the coolest ways to tie your shoelaces. Check it out!

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And now it’s picture time! The first two pictures need an introduction. Before a big soccer match, an Argentinian condom manufacturer ran the upper (the first) advertisement, bragging about what Argentina would do to Brazil. After Argentina lost the game, the Brazilian football organization ran the lower ad.

 

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Bart dressed as a suicide bomber-

I like to call him Moh’d Jihad

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Halo 3 is out! I want!

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Mini-Retarded video time! These videos come with the title “types of music you shouldn’t let your cat listen to”. They really are retarded. I love the Stevie Wonder one because the cat moves the exact same way Stevie Wonder does when he sings, how evil!

 

Barry White

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Gansta Rap

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Heavy Metal

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House

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Techno / Electronica while on Ecstasy

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Stevie Wonder

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This is panning out to be a very lovely day indeed. I’m off then! Turrrrraaaaaaaaaa!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And you think I’m random….

September 25, 2007

I’m quite a random person…. but something even I though was random is this. I wanted to punch the monitor when I saw it. Shakoo?

Anyway, let’s talk about me. As most of you could tell, I’ve been pretty depressed for a while. But now that’s changed. I’m not depressed anymore. I’m nothing. I’m completely void of sadness and happiness. I’m empty, I’m numb. It’s quite an interesting feeling. I don’t know if this is a bad thing. I started off thinking it was because now I don’t really want to do anything, because whatever I do will not change the way I feel. But now I’m reconsidering the whole situation. Maybe its not so bad, okay so I’m not motivated to do a single thing, but atleast I don’t feel like crap. Its kind of blissful. Its like floating in outerspace. It’s kind of scary at first, very quiet, but now I think it may be a blessing. I’m thinking I may start calling it peace instead of emptiness. We’ll see how long my positive attitude will last….

I’m done with my personal confession of the day, so on with the show!

I’m going to put two comics up first. I wonder who they remind me of. hmmmm… Can you you guess?

 

 

This next one take your time reading it. So many weird people out there (I’m not even sure if its real anymore because its so freaky):

Personals

 

Freaky Double Eye

 

 

Don’t Do It!

 

Some more comics and then onto the mini-retarded videos. The first mini-retarded video is dedicated to someone special; you know who you are.

 

 

 

Ewww… Lol!

 

 

 

Can Crush- She’s such a lady….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Personal Favorite:

You cannot just walk into Mordor!

(watch it from the beginning, wait for the slide after the black one)

Quote of the Day:

” I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not Much

September 24, 2007

Hello there children! Yeah, I know I didn’t post yesterday, you don’t have to tell me that. I was sick and I skipped work- shit! That reminds me I have to go fill out a a crappy form and give it to HR. Merde!

Anyway, I haven’t had time to gather up crap for this post. So we’ll stick with some pictures for now:

I would give him the bonus

 

Lol – its true. Aham Shay- Level 1 Human

 

I use this all the time- otherwise I’d have

to beat the guys off with a stick- and that’s just mean.

 

*giggle*

 

Sometimes it is the answer

 

Seeing as you haven’t any interest in drug week I’ll just put these comics up now:

 

 

And now for what is quickly becoming a popular segment — MINI-RETARDED-VIDEO time!

 

Ouch!

 

 

 

 

 

WTF?

 

 

 

 

 

Stop Thief!

 

I know this is random- well actually that’s what I’m known for- but the girl on the left totally reminds me of Chirp. Keep on rockin’ Chirp! You really are great!

 

 

Quote of the Day:

“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sick of the Feigning

September 20, 2007

I’m bored with all of this. I’m bored with everything. And its getting harder and harder for me to fake interest and enthusiasm. I have a hard time looking into people’s eyes these day (I’m not sure why suddenly) I think its because my eyes can’t lie. I’ve no interest in what most people are telling me. I’ve no interest in even answering questions about myself, about my day or whatever… I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of the feigning.

Something needs to change. I don’t know what, but somethings got to happen. I’m thinking a self-imposed exile, but the time has to be right. And it’s not right yet. I don’t know what I’m going to do in the meanwhile… any suggestions? Something time consuming but stimulating at the same time.

_______________________

First off, a Darwin Award:

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal imbedded in the side of a cliff rising above the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what had happened. It seems that a guy had some JATO bottles ( Jet Assisted Take Off ), actually a solid fuel rocket used to give heavy military transport planes extra “push” for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala into the desert and found a long straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, built up some speed, and fired off the JATO!

The facts as best could be defined are that:

  1. The operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was determined by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
  2. The JATO would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the chevy to reach speeds of 350 MPH ( 560 KMPH ). JATO thrust would have continued for 20-25 seconds, insuring maintenance of that speed for that time.
  3. The driver, soon pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dig-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the vent. The automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles ( 15-20 seconds ) before the driver applied and completely melted brakes, blowing tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, to no avail, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles before impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock face.
  4. Few of the drivers remains were recovered. Small fragments of bone, teeth, and hair were extracted from the crater, and a fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Damn! Seriously, just imagine the sight of the crash. Damn.

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Sanju Bhagat’s stomach was once so swollen he looked nine months pregnant and could barely breathe. iving in the city of Nagpur, India, Bhagat said he’d felt self-conscious his whole life about his big belly. But one night in June 1999, his problem erupted into something much larger than cosmetic worry. Mehta said that he can usually spot a tumor just after he begins an operation. But while operating on Bhagat, Mehta saw something he had never encountered. As he cut deeper into Bhagat’s stomach, gallons of fluid spilled out — and then something extraordinary happened. “First, one limb came out, then another limb came out. Then some part of genitalia, then some part of hair, some limbs, jaws, limbs, hair.”

At first glance, it may look as if Bhagat had given birth. Actually, Mehta had removed the mutated body of Bhagat’s twin brother from his stomach. Bhagat, they discovered, had one of the world’s most bizarre medical conditions — fetus in fetu. It is an extremely rare abnormality that occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside its twin. The trapped fetus can survive as a parasite even past birth by forming an umbilical cordlike structure that leaches its twin’s blood supply until it grows so large that it starts to harm the host, at which point doctors usually intervene.

Nasty. Now that really sucks.

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Man Hides Sex Toys in the Wurst Way

BERLIN (Reuters) – Staff at a German butcher’s shop were shocked to discover a customer had hidden two sex toys in their sausages for transport to Dubai, police said Wednesday.

“It was two latex dildos with a natural look,” said a spokesman for police in the southwestern city of Mannheim.

After shopping there earlier in the day, the man, who spoke broken English, returned to the butcher’s with two large “Schwartenmagen” sausages. He asked a shop assistant to wrap and cool them until he departed for Dubai the next day.

But the assistant noticed the goods had got heavier and alerted police. Officers discovered the man, who was about 50, had removed some of the meat and packed the dildos inside.

“He could have used a loaf of bread,” the spokesman said. “It’s not against the law here. But obviously I can’t speculate on what customs in Dubai will have to say about it.”

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I wonder if you are allowed to bring sex toys into Dubai. Probably not. Because if they allowed it it may shrink the market for the prostitution rings. Then the Russians would get pissed and then they’d make the government very unhappy.

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Picture and Comic Time:

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What the hell is this section in the newspaper? The crime section?

Who reports a “cat with rectal problems”? lol

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Limitations

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Wanna be a rapper?

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O is for Old English Sheepdog

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In Case of Revolution…

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I’m not sure if I put this up before:

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Read the warning carefully:

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Quote of the Day:

Me: George Washington Carver researched peanuts, its obvious. He’s the one who invented peanut butter.

Chirp: Really? He made Jiff?

Me: I don’t think Jiff. You know the peanut with the monocle, that based on him.

Chirp: You mean Planter’s?

Me: Yeah, Planters!

Chirp: Wow! How do you know all that?

Me: I don’t, I just made all that shit up.

Chirp: Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!

 

 

 

 

 

Yeah, take your bloody time!

September 16, 2007

Yeah, I’m posting again. I’m still at work. I can’t leave until I get word from HR. Despite the fact that their job is easy as hell, if they do anything at all that is, they take their bloody time.
You’d think a large financial institution would understand the value of time and speedy decisions, but noooooooooo…….. idiots.

And so, my entire world is on hold as I wait for HR.

I curse you HR. I curse you! May the fleas from a thousand camels infest your pubic hair!

Anyway, an important announcement:

Happy Birthday Chirp! This comic is for you:

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And with that out of the way…. it’s time for the radiology picture of the day:

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Luo Cuifen, 29 of Beijing, China, consulted doctors after noticing blood in her urine. Turns out she has 23 inch-long needles in her gut. Surgeons will now carefully remove the needles that allegedly were inserted by her grandparents who were hoping to kill her. From the Associated Press:

Many of the needles have worked their way into Luo’s vital organs including her lungs, liver, bladder and kidneys, making their removal difficult, said Qu Rui, a spokesman for the Richland International Hospital in Yunnan province’s capital, Kunming…

Qu said doctors believe the woman’s grandparents may have inserted the needles long ago, hoping she would die and her parents might have a boy in her place. China limits most families to just one child, although rural Chinese may be allowed to have a second if their first is a girl, subject to the payment of fines.

It wasn’t clear whether further investigations into the case were planned, with media reports saying Luo’s grandparents had already died.

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Russian Posers- check out the link

Creepy Lenses – Link

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It’s random picture time! The first picture needs a brief introduction. You know those times when your sitting in your office and something’s just missing? Something that makes work so much more pleasant: Beer.

But where can you store your precious beer stock? A fridge in the middle of your office is very suspicious. Well thank God ladies and gents because some divine genuis out there created his thing:

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Seriously, God bless you brother, whoever you are.

Viagra Ad

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Pool – I’m not sure if I posted this one before

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Cool wedding photo!

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The bride who drank too much

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Looool

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Kung-Fu Kitty

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Quote of the Day:

Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal. ” -Demetri Martin

And another one by Demetri Martin:

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

 

 

 

 

 

Aliens and Judgment Day

September 13, 2007

I told you that this day was possibly coming soon. It is a day when your whole world ends. Yes, my friends, it is judgment day: I’m finally leaving my job (I think-if today goes the way its supposed to).

Hush now little ones. Don’t shed any more tears. You don’t know whats going to happen. I might still post but I really don’t know anymore. I have decided, despite my parents disapproval, to try one last desperate attempt to follow my dreams. And so it is with that that I’m off to journey the unknown and unpaved path that I know is going to suck ass. But I have to try, I’ll regret it forever if I don’t.

With that farewell message to all of you out of the way, we can resume today’s post. As promised, it’s alien day!

Now, today’s post originates from some video that a friend of mine showed me that showed some UFOs flying over some place in Saudi. Now, I think he expected me to freak out, like my other friend who went “this is a sign that its judgement day, the world is coming to an end” or something to that effect.

Now, first of all, why would you believe that that video is real? Because its in Saudi? Are you insulting Saudi doctoring skills? Shame on you. Saudis are the best fakers. Just look at the double (hypocrisy-filled) lives they lead. Now, now, if you’re Saudi and offended by the comment I just made, I’m sorry *cough*- I’m sorry that you born in Saudi, its not your fault.

Second of all, so what if there are aliens? Pictures and videos of aliens have been around since forever. And so what? You’rejust nervous that things are going to change here on Earth. Maybe they’re coming to fix all the fuck-ups us humans have made ie. war with our own kind, global warming, famine in a world of abudancy. I think they should come and kill alot of us, just so that they kill off alot of the retards around. And then maybe, just maybe, when we are trying to rebuild our civilizations we’ll to it right this time.

And if they’re here just to blow things up for no reason and eat our human flesh, I’m up for the challenge. I would prefer to die in an epic battle to save the human race than die in a car accident (which is very likely here in Kuwait).

Third of all, which is really funny to me: when I told a co-worker about the whole alien video judgment day thing, she said: “Well, its possible, you know. When judgement day comes and people like Al-Mahdi, and Gog and Magog reappear we don’t know how they are going to appear and in what form.”

Seriously? As in, they are going to come back in spaceships in alien form? Loool… that’s just so funny to me. I guess it could happen maybe…. uh…. I guess… I mean I wouldn’t want to make fun of anybody’s relegious beliefs, now would I? I respect all relegions…. Hahaaha… see what I did there? Its called sarcasm…. get it? get it?

Anyway, what do you think? Do you think Jesus is going to come down from a UFO?

Anyway, check out the picture below, which people think is totally real. It’s supposed to be of an alien (possibly Al-Mahdi reappearing) and the people in the picture are freaking out.

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Hahahaha!!!!! Man! I’m going to miss you guys. You’re so gullible!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m going to go to hell. Saying all this shit on the first day of ramadan. But firstly, for Shia ramadan is tomorrow (yes! I’m saved by a technicality! Whew! That was a close one!) Also, since I’m Shia I can make fun of Al-Mahdi, he’s my homie. Just like I can make fun of Hasan Nasarallah, but you sunna can’t. Nananabooboo!

I don’t think what I’m doing is wrong and just because its ramadan I’m not going to stop. Here’s the thing I’ve been trying to convey to people my entire life. You shouldn’t not be doing things because its ramadan. You shouldn’t do bad things because it is wrong.

I don’t like it when people say “Oh I don’t do #insert word# during ramadan” but they do it the rest of the year. What does that mean when you do that? It means you know its wrong and you just don’t do it when you feel you’re going to get punished for it extra.
What do you think God is thinking of you right now? He’s probably thinking “Okay he knows and feels it’s wrong but he does it anyway. He just doesn’t do it sometimes because he’s scared of punishment. So in conclusion this person does not avoid “sin” because its wrong but because he’s a coward.”

So what about me? I feel that the things I do are not wrong, in fact I’m convinced that they aren’t. So I do them all the time. No matter what time of year. Let’s say, for arguement’s sake, that the things I do are considered wrong in God’s eyes, who do you think God spites more? Someone who thinks what they do is good and doesn’t know any better, or somebody who knows what they do is wrong but does it anyway?

My point is also my Prophet’s Lesson of the Day: Do good and avoid bad all year-round. God isn’t blind the rest of the year you know.

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Now that we’re done with the morality part of the post, let’s talk a little about me. I’m passing through a hard time right now. And for most of my life I’ve been in pain (not necessarily physical)- which is why I am how I am. What always makes me feel better is knowing others have been in more pain than me (as messed up as that is its true). Anyway, I thought I’d post some things that make me feel lucky to be me:

Heretic’s Fork

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One end of this device was pushed under the chin, the other into the sternum, with the strap securing this torture tool to the victim’s neck. Immobilized and in great pain, the victim will have to mouth off the Latin word “abiuro” (I recant), or they’ll end up being hanged or worse, burned at the stake.

 

Lead Sprinkler

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This tool, which kinda reminds me of a holy water sprinkler, was filled with either molten lead, tar, boiling oil or boiling water, then used to torture bless its victims by dripping its contents on their stomach, back and other body parts. Sounds like standard S&M practice to me, only with a greater deal of pain.

 

Tongue Tearer

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Countless heretics and blasphemers had their tongues roughly torn out with this simple device.

 

The Rack

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The rack is a contraption designed to dislocate every single joint in its victim’s body. Tied across the device’s board by the ankles and wrists, the victim’s body is then pulled in opposite directions by turning rollers at either end of the board. Great way of relieving a bad back, if you ask me. Of course, the subsequent pain caused by the multiple dislocations is another story.

That’s enough torture pictures for now I guess. I have better pictures for you. This first one is unpleasant but to me it signifies a part of ramadan. I don’t fast because I get credit with God. I do it, firstly, because it’s a good detox from all the crappy food I eat. I’m seriously considering semi-fasting for the rest of the year. It’s very physically cleansing. And secondly, in this fucked up world of ours, while we feast others die with nothing in their bellies. Fasting reminds me of that… it reminds me that there are others that live much harder lives than I do. But keep in mind fasting helps nobody but you. It’s not going to miracously put food on somebody’s table. You have to give (in a material sense-don’t just pray that somebody helps them- GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT)…. and there are alot of people who need your help:

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Incase you can’t tell, that’s a photo of a child dying of starvation. And right behind the child is a vulture, waiting for him to die…. nobody helped the child just in case you were wondering.

I don’t mean to get all of you down, but I want you to truly feel how lucky you are. And I want you to know that you aren’t not eating so that you can have a huge fun feast with friends and family and completely ignore the plight of your fellow man. Ramadan is not meant to be fun, atleast I don’t think it should be.

I know you come here to laugh your asses off but its my responsibility to teach you a few things every now and then even if it isn’t fun.

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Anyway, I don’t know if you’re in the mood to see pictures and comics but I’m going to post some anyway. But a joke I heard first:

Im7ashish gal “Ya rait ramadan mithil kaas il-3alam: mara kil arba3 sineen, oo kil mara ib dawla!”

I don’t know, I thought it was funny.

Cocoon Tent Thingy- I want this so bad!

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Baseball Bloopers

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Why is the black guy freaking out about a water balloon?

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Comics

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Quote of the Day:

” Theres a natural mystic blowing through the air;
If you listen carefully now you will hear.
This could be the first trumpet, might as well be the last:
Many more will have to suffer,
Many more will have to die – dont ask me why.

Things are not the way they used to be,
I wont tell no lie;
One and all have to face reality now.
though Ive tried to find the answer to all the questions they ask.
though I know its impossible to go livin through the past –
Dont tell no lie.

Theres a natural mystic blowing through the air –
Cant keep them down –
If you listen carefully now you will hear.

Theres a natural mystic blowing through the air.

This could be the first trumpet, might as well be the last:
Many more will have to suffer,
Many more will have to die – dont ask me why.

Theres a natural mystic blowing through the air –
I wont tell no lie;
If you listen carefully now you will hear:
Theres a natural mystic blowing through the air.
Such a natural mystic blowing through the air;
Theres a natural mystic blowing through the air;
Such a natural mystic blowing through the air;
Such a natural mystic blowing through the air;
Such a natural mystic blowing through the air.”

-Bob Marley

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Truth About Scooby Doo

September 11, 2007

You know, as kids you watch cartoons, not really knowing what’s going on (because you’re so innocent). I know more about the cartoons I used to watch now that I’m grown up, you know, like the fact that He-Man was gay. Alot of people never really think about it, but I do. So I thought I’d enlighten you with a short explanation of Scooby Doo:

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really all about. As I’ve gotten older, it has become more clear to me what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

What We Remember:
Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sort–and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

The Truth:
Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychodelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery.

It may be a little hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence…

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current ‘grunge’ scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a ‘burner’, i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his ‘high’ from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world–they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however..

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go ‘solve the case’ by themselves. It’s no real mystery what these two are really doing–they’re getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne with her pretty pink, well, legs and Fred are constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery to me though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone’s least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you thing Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect english, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin’ dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and fucking their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect ‘hit’.”

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All you consumers out there probably know how retarded customer service is. And all of you that actually deal with customers and clients know how retarded they can be. The story below scores one idiocy point for the customer service team:

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and The Bank billed her for February March for their annual service charges on her credit card, added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance of $0, is now somewhere around $60. A Family Member placed a call to The Bank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in January.”
The Bank: “The account was never closed, and the late fees charges still apply.”
Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”
The Bank: “Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been.”
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
The Bank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau. Maybe both !”
Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?” (I really liked this part !!!!)
The Bank: “Excuse me?”
Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you? The part about her being dead?”
The Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” !

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”
The Bank: “The account was never closed, so the late fees and charges still apply.” (This must be a phrase taught by The Bank!)
Family Member: “Do you mean you want to collect from her estate?”
The Bank: (stammering) “Are you her lawyer?”
Family Member: “No, I’m her great-nephew.”
The Bank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”
Family Member: “Sure.” (fax number is given)

After they get the fax:
The Bank: “Our system just isn’t set up for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”
Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great ! If not, you could just keep billing her. I really don’t think she will care.”
The Bank: “Well, the late fees charges do still apply.”
(What is wrong with these people??!!)
Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”
The Bank: “Yes, that will help.”
Family Member: ” Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”
The Bank: “Sir, that is a cemetery!”
Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on YOUR planet?!!

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Prophet’s Lesson of the Day: Don’t make promises you have no intention of keeping.

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Xin Liangkun, 53, of Dalian city, created an unique five layered ball in 10 years. He created the ball such that each of the five balls can turn inside without touching the others. In a television documentary he claimed that no one could reproduce the ball.

“This ball was my first piece, and only I understand how it was made,” he told a television documentary. “If anyone can reproduce it, I’l give him my three-storey building, and the collections within it.”

But young porcelain amateur from Luoyang city, Sun Zheng, created the exact same thing in six month.

Promise is promise but it was not easy for Xin to hand over his home and his prized porcelain collecion. He tried to prove that the replica wasn’t similar to the one he created but unsucessfully.

A court ruled that Xin’s TV pledge has the same validity as a signed contract, and must be fulfilled.

If Xin does not appeal within 15 days he will lose his £100,000 three-story home and his prized porcelain collection.

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I think that’s enough writing fortoday. I don’t want to overload your sensitive brains. Soooooo… it’s comic and picture time!!!!!!!!!!

Well, actually, just a couple of more words… to introduce the first comic: I hate people that constantly type in shitty IRC language. It’s okay to use ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ but don’t overdo that shit. Its really sad when people lose their ability to communicate properly like a human being, and yet they don’t realize that they’re slowly reducing themselves to animal level. Why don’t you just grunt instead of talk? That’s what ultimately what you’re going to do, you apes. You developed proper language skills for a reason retards.

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This last one reminds me to remind you to remind me to

post about aliens and ‘judgment day’

(It’s a GIF so wait for it….)

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NOTE: Has anybody heard of Balls of Fury and does anybody know if a pirated copy is out?

 

 

 

Bands Made of Rubber

September 9, 2007

I feel like I should be sitting in a dark smoky room with sultry jazz playing in the background with large glass of whiskey in my hand. That’s the only environment that I feel would be appropriate for me at this time. I need to be somewhere dark and broody, because that’s how I feel. I wonder how long this depression is going to last. I hope not too long. Not just for my sake but for yours too: I’m pissy when I’m sad, so nobody bother me (you have been forewarned).

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My latest project at work: I made a little picture replica of one of my coworkers, I drew her face and stuck rubberbands on the head as hair. I know, I know, you are amazed by my creativity. Art is one of the other gifts that God has bestowed upon me.

Okay, fine, so I may not be an artist but God gave me some kinda guts. Sitting in a glass office surrounded by glue, rubberbands, scissors, colored pens, poster paper trying to finish a kindergartenish project takes guts. There is no way I could have raqa3ed the situation if my boss walked in. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have even tried to. I would’ve just looked up at him and gone back to intensely gluing the rubberbands on the poster paper, my tongue sticking out in concentration.

Anyway, I finished my project without disturbance and then stuck it on my coworker’s wall. I think she likes it.

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Anyway, I gotta go it’s already 2:45pm. Time just flies when you’re creating art (try it- go to your company’s supply closet and make something – and then email me the pictures and I’ll post your awesome creation).

Pigs tattooed with LV logo

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Snoop Dog is the Shizzle-Bizzizzzzlzzle

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I wonder who actually took the contact info…

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You know, when I tell somebody a problem or complain about something I don’t want want to be criticized. I want to be comforted, I want you to curse the source of my problem. I don’t want you to zif me. You’re not helping me whatsoever, you’re just stressing me out.

Let me explain to you more clearly what I’m talking about:

I hate my job, you know that. Most of the work I get, when I get it, is super retarded. TIMMY! For example, today, all I’ve been doing is changing the color schemes and formats on power point presentations. What the fuck? I didn’t get a degree from a top 20 business school to do shit I learnt to do in middle school computer class. I hate it! God-fucking-damnit!

I know that I shouldn’t be here. The only reason I am here is because I have nothing better to do. Atleast that was before. Now, I want to start studying for the GRE and filling out applications…etc. So now, I want to quit. Now, this is all nothing really new. What annoys me about it are my parents. What do my parents have to do with it? They are soooo unhelpful. Okay, I never expected them to be helpful, but atleast don’t put me down.

So my mother calls me today, at work…

Prophet (P): I hate my job, I hate it. I want to quit. Seriously. I want to quit today.

Mumsy (M): Don’t be in such a rush! Why are you in such a rush?

P: I have to study and apply for graduate programs. The application is due October 1st.

M: So? Study at work.

(Now this is theoretically a good idea, except there is no way I can study in this atmosphere and they do give me work to do – really retarded work-but it’s still time consuming.)

P: I can’t, I do things around here, stupid shit, but I do things nonetheless.

M: Tell them you’re not going to do that shit anymore!

P: What? I can’t just say I’m not going to do the work they assign me anymore and sit on my ass. The way you say “I’m not going to do this shit anymore” is quit!

M: No, its your fault for doing the stuff they give you. You should’ve told them the minute they give you that shit to do that you wouldn’t do it!

(The above statement is probably slightly true, but what the fuck ma? you’re supposed to make me feel better not make me feel like crap. and besides you’re supposed to do what your boss tells you, right? I mean he didn’t ask me to scrub the toilets, he asked me to do the only shit they have to do around here: which is pretend to work by changing the colors on things)

P: I’m not the only one that does this shit. This what people do here!!!!

M: *blah blah blah*

P: Ma, you’re not getting my point… *blah blah blah*

P: God damnit! Fine ma! Fine! I’ll talk to you when I get home. Bye.

*tear my hair out of my head*

Everytime I talk to my mom about anything she drives me insane!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCK!

I’m so pissed. And I know why: because I have to keep quite and be respectful and keep it all in (I can’t just shut the phone). One day, I swear to God, I’m going to kill somebody because I’m so frustrated. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I really want to scream but I’m still at work: GOD DAMNIT!

There are shooting pains in my head and my arms; I think I might be having a heart attack.

Okay… fine, I’m not. But one day I will. I don’t need all this stress.

All this stress and you want me to quit smoking?

_____________________

Anyway, not everything in life is bad. I know one thing that good. Rainbows? No! Tampons? No!……. the new iPods!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!

 

iPod Hero: Touch me baby… yeah..like that…

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iPhone (left) iPod (right)

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iPod Classic: Much slimmer and holds up to 160 GB!

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Renovated iPod Nanooooooooo

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A couple of other kick-ass stuff:

Spaceport America (as in “interplanetary travel”)

OPENING 2010!

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Batwing Fan

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Simpson’s House (it’s real)

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Spy Sunglasses – I want!

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Quote of the Day:

“Tooomz is the one that makes the boys cry.” – Chirp