Wooohoo! It’s Thursday bitches!!!!! I feel really good today. Even though I probably shouldn’t because somebody that works here just passed away yesterday. Allah yer7ama. And what’s really bad about it is what I thought when I first heard; “I wonder if they’ll give me his office”. I know, I know, I’m bad. But it isn’t my fault. First of all, the fact that I’ve been working here for 7 months and they still haven’t technically given me an office makes me feel that I need to take advantage of whatever opportunity comes my way. They’ve jaded me. I mean for God’s sake, I’ve been working here for 7 months and only today did they give me my own calculator. And I work in a motherfucking financial institution, a calculator is supposed to be the first thing you get. For 7 months I’ve been clicking away on my Windows calculator. I know I could’ve brought my own calculator, but I think that would’ve just increased my output and efficiency and they obviously don’t want that around here OTHERWISE THEY WOULD’VE GIVEN ME A FRIGGIN’ CALCULATOR.
Anyway, death and calculators aside, I feel pretty good today!
I think I would feel a little better if I ruin your days…. MUHAHAHAA!!! So I’m going to tell you a little story about myself and then lecture you (the lecture basically applies to females and some gay men):
People who know me know that I’m not exactly physically vain. i.e. I never ever put on tons of make up, most of the time I don’t wear any makeup at all, I don’t insist on wearing the latest fashions, I basically try to stay kinda simple and zen. A couple of months ago I got a huge lecture from a friend of mine basically stating: “Prophet! You’re a girl! You have to beautify yourself! You have to take care of your nails! Go get regular manicures!…etc.”
This girl’s nails are always manicured to perfection. They are always painted. Never a chip. She is more than a regular at the top nail places (N-Bar, N-Syle…etc.). And I have to admit her nails look good.
My nails aren’t bad. I always keep them clean, usually cut short, and I never bite them. I think they are okay. They’re normal.
Anyway, after her lecture, I think “Okay, how bad can it be? I’ll go to N-Bar every week or so”. Even though I hate being stuck in a chair for more than hour (I get butt-cramps).
Fast-forward a month or two. I start thinking: I’m not exactly into this, I don’t enjoy it getting it done, I’m trying to simply myself and my life not make it more complicated, why the hell am I doing this again?
So I decide I’m done with this whole getting manicures. If I want to paint my nails every once in a while I can do it myself. So that’s it I decide to take the polish off my nails. Lo and behold! My nails are yellowish! WTF? They were never like this! I look like I have freaking jaundice!
Basically, after researching it turns out nail polish tends to stain your nails. I was thinking, nail polish is basically a bunch of colors and chemicals that you are putting on your body, is staining really the worst of it? And guess what? It isn’t.
I’ll give you the summary of the worst of it: A chemical used in many nail polishes called DBP (dibutyl phthalate) which increases durability of nail polish has been shown to be a carcinogen and result in underdeveloped genitals and fertility problems in unborn males. So basically, it’ll increase your chances of getting cancer and your sons are going to have smaller dicks.
Now, I don’t want you to completely freak out, because at this moment there is still much debate concerning DBP. Lots of the companies that use it state that the amount the humans are exposed to is not enough to have these effects. Other environmental and consumer groups disagree. Anyway, there is research supporting both sides. The one thing that is undisputed is that your body does absorb the chemical. The long-term effects at this point are unclear.
So ladies, and gay men that get their nails polished, if you consistently polish your nails I truly think you are putting yourself at risk. Therefore don’t come complaining to me when your sons can’t please women, I warned you.
But don’t worry ladies! There is still hope for your vanity! Some cosmetics manufacturers have started making nail polish free of DBP. “Estee Lauder is among some major brands that have done that. But many others have not, including salon favorite OPI, cult fave Essie and ubiquitous bargain brand Sally Hansen. In 2004, OPI was forced to remove DBP from its polishes sold in Europe after the European Union banned it along with many other personal-care product ingredients known or strongly suspected of causing cancer, mutations or birth defects.”
Essie… Sound familiar? That’s right! Its that wonderful stuff they use at n-bar and n-style. Cancer, yum!
Now, some of you poor girls are probably sobbing in your seats, asking the question: “Why? Why Prophet? Why would companies sell what they know to be cancerous products? They wouldn’t, would they?”
My response is: Yeah they would retards! TIMMY! Why wouldn’t they? If it makes their product “better” and they could get away with it, why not? Do you remember how many years it took for the tobacco industry to admit that cigarettes were a carcinogen? Why should they admit to selling a dangerous product if it makes them billions? And, yes, they make billions upon billions. Thanks to the vanity of women the cosmetics industry is ONE OF THE MOST PROFITABLE INDUSTRIES on the planet.
Anyway, the power is yours!
With your powers combined I am Captain Planet!
Captain Planet, he’s our hero,
Gonna take pollution down to zero,
He’s our powers magnified,
And he’s fighting on the planet side
Captain Planet, he’s our hero,
Gonna take pollution down to zero,
Gonna help him put us under,
Bad guys who like to loot and plunder
“You’ll pay for this Captain Planet!”
We’re the planeteers,
You can be one too!
‘Cause saving our planet is the thing to do,
Looting and polluting is not the way,
Hear what Captain Planet has to say:
“THE POWER IS YOURS!”
What my co-workers have actually walked in on me doing
Haha! Just messin’ with ya!
Cool staple remover
2.% Mil euro guitar?…oh….
Good Idea. Bad Idea.
Who’s a good boy?
Disturbing children’s book
My mom didn’t used to let me walk my dog because “it isn’t safe” it would’ve been more than safe if I had this dog…
Only in America
Mini-Video Time! In this one, a guy tries to snatch this tiny lady’s purse. But he gets owned! You go girl!!!
PS: The crap make-up you put on your face can’t be that much better. According to an article I recently read in Bazaar magazine, women that apply makeup everyday absorb I think something like 4 lbs. of chemicals every year. SHASTY (Shitty and Nasty!!)!!!