Fake Bake

September 19, 2007

Hi there kids. So yesterday, I don’t know why, but I decided that I was going to try one of those self-tanner cream things. What do you guys think? Shall I try it and risk going oompa loompa? Or shall I stick with my lovely ghostly pale complexion?

Anyway, enough of my intoxicating beauty and on with the show!

First, do we have a decent public library here in Kuwait? I mean one with a variety of books (including a large English selection)? Let me know if there is. Because frankly there are some damn nice libraries out there. And you’d think with the budget surplus that Kuwaiti government has they could afford to build an nice one, but then again you’d think they could afford to build new generators for electricity too…. retards. TIMMY!


And now for the radiology picture of the day!


“Craniosynostosis is premature closure of the cranial sutures. The skull shape undergoes characteristic changes depending on which suture(s) close early. The sagittal suture is most commonly involved, where lateral growth of the skull is arrested while anteroposterior growth continues, producing a narrow elongated skull known as scaphocephaly (meaning boat-shaped) or dolichocephaly. Causes are primary, or secondary to certain haematologic disorders, metabolic disorders, bone dysplasias and syndromes. There is a 3:1 male predominance. Treatment is cranioplasty.”


Let’s see…. hmmm… what’s next? How about a joke (not the best one) but it make you say damn!

Four men went to play golf one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, “My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free.”

The second man said, “My son is a car salesman, and now owns a multi-line dealership. He’s so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded.

The third man , not wanting to be outdone, bragged, “My son is a stockbroker, and he’s doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio.”

The fourth man joined them at the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, “We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing?”

The fourth man replied, “Well, my son is gay and a go-go dancer at a gay bar.” The other three men grew silent as he continued, “I’m not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, and brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio.”

Imagine how retarded those fathers must be feeling right about then. Damn!

Oooo! Ooo! I know, what comes next! It’s the story of this guy fired within two days of getting hired. This man is a genius. I should do what he does t seems like a blast! This is what he did:

1) He picked up every bottle of paint we were putting away and asked “Can I drink this?”
2) He used large, $30-40 tubes of paint as mini baseball bats. He also liked to juggle EVERY bottle within reach–when told some bottles are glass he said “I never drop ’em”.
3) He slid down the banisters of our main staircase after being told repeatedly NOT to do so (even when threatened with termination),
4) He was caught balancing with one foot on top of a ladder yelling “look at me!!!!” (Lucky fool–he could have been killed–proof that God DOES protect idiots)
5) He singled out one male employee and shook his hand EACH and EVERY time he passed this person.
6) He bummed 10-15 dollars total from a bunch of people HIS FIRST DAY, claiming it was “for lunch” (No—we don’t talk to each other, we couldn’t find out he was doing this–DUH!!!!)
7) He shamelessly raided the refrigerator (which has become a no-food zone b/c of previous thefts)
8) He harassed ANYTHING female, verbally and with gestures.
9) He used the U-boat carts as his own private demolition racer/skateboard/stepstool, and crashed into EVERYTHING. Including our store managers ankles.
10) We found out he’d had FOUR previous jobs since LAST NOVEMBER….(this was March) Gawd, would I love to hear their stories …so WHY did my store hire him?
11) He just plain STUNK. Mighty B-O He claimed to be a Bible-thumper, but apparently missed the expression “cleanliness is next to Godliness”. Guess showering and deodorant were against his religion.
12) He offered a “lap dancing lesson” to a male employee.
13) He told male employee “A” that MALE employee “B” was thought he was hot, and vice versa. Just to see what would happen. Yes, both “A” and “B” were straight. Unfunny nonetheless.

14) He asked EVERYBODY if they play an instrument, and regardless of the response, he said “I play my skin-flute.” Loud.

Loooooooooooool! Kick ass! *sigh* I wish I could do that!



You know what time it is by now… so let’s GET IT ON!

Aaaaaaaagh! My eye!



Neighborhood Slut = Chirp’s Cat

(I’m so mean!)



For the one you love






Praise Ron Jeremy



Its agreed



If you’re happy and you know it..

The nerd version






No seriously, I do











Dogs bark when they’re hungry










9 Responses to “Fake Bake”

  1. chikapappi said

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLL! I missed you.. Nice post – you seriously wanna be like the dude! NOT

    Your cat same same mine :D

    No weapon today!

  2. Whiskey said

    Ok your not amusing anymore

  3. Blue Dress said

    Do tan and please post pictures!

    LOL i never knew that they bleed

  4. Well, fake baking (if done right) can produce nice results!

    The skull looks scary :/

    The snowman pic is hilarious!

  5. Wer3Y said

    i really liked Neighborhood Slut = Chirp’s Cat :P!!

    Winner pic :)

  6. Jacqui said

    I really really enjoy your posts. :)

  7. Chirp said

    Your so mean. Don’t talk about my cat.

    Did you do the tan?!

    I saw Ron Jeremy in LA. He’s gross in real life.

  8. Prophet said

    Whiskey: Not enjoying my posts anymore? I know that somewhere in the world there is a unicorn that is shedding one tear for you but I personally don’t give a rat’s ass. You don’t like my posts? Then don’t bother reading them anymore. Saavy?

  9. whiskey said

    LOL! ok thank you that was amusing!

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