The Truth About Scooby Doo

September 11, 2007

You know, as kids you watch cartoons, not really knowing what’s going on (because you’re so innocent). I know more about the cartoons I used to watch now that I’m grown up, you know, like the fact that He-Man was gay. Alot of people never really think about it, but I do. So I thought I’d enlighten you with a short explanation of Scooby Doo:

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from their early childhood, right? But something you may not remember is what the show was really all about. As I’ve gotten older, it has become more clear to me what Fred, Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all sorts in the Mystery Machine.

What We Remember:
Four teenagers and their trusted dog gallop across the country in their purple and green van solving mysteries of all sort–and in the process meet all kinds of interesting people.

The Truth:
Four high-school dropouts and their sentient dog ride around the country in their psychodelic love machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve a mystery.

It may be a little hard to swallow, but just take a look at the evidence…

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration for the current ‘grunge’ scene, with his sloppy dress and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a ‘burner’, i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his ‘high’ from Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies. Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and they do whatever they are told, because they are so lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do condone the selling of it because it helps support their jaunts across the country (and the world–they drove to China once). These other characters do have their own peculiarities however..

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the group to go ‘solve the case’ by themselves. It’s no real mystery what these two are really doing–they’re getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine. Daphne with her pretty pink, well, legs and Fred are constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery to me though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone’s least favorite of the cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out in the later episodes, she was also into beastiality. Where do you thing Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who was a dog yet spoke perfect english, was obviously a product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around the world, slangin’ dope, shooting steroids, eating hash brownies, and fucking their dog, while all the while looking for the perfect ‘hit’.”

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All you consumers out there probably know how retarded customer service is. And all of you that actually deal with customers and clients know how retarded they can be. The story below scores one idiocy point for the customer service team:

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and The Bank billed her for February March for their annual service charges on her credit card, added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance of $0, is now somewhere around $60. A Family Member placed a call to The Bank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: “I am calling to tell you she died in January.”
The Bank: “The account was never closed, and the late fees charges still apply.”
Family Member: “Maybe you should turn it over to collections.”
The Bank: “Since it is 2 months past due, it already has been.”
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?”
The Bank: “Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau. Maybe both !”
Family Member: “Do you think God will be mad at her?” (I really liked this part !!!!)
The Bank: “Excuse me?”
Family Member: “Did you just get what I was telling you? The part about her being dead?”
The Bank: “Sir, you’ll have to speak to my supervisor.” !

(Supervisor gets on the phone)

Family Member: “I’m calling to tell you she died in January.”
The Bank: “The account was never closed, so the late fees and charges still apply.” (This must be a phrase taught by The Bank!)
Family Member: “Do you mean you want to collect from her estate?”
The Bank: (stammering) “Are you her lawyer?”
Family Member: “No, I’m her great-nephew.”
The Bank: “Could you fax us a certificate of death?”
Family Member: “Sure.” (fax number is given)

After they get the fax:
The Bank: “Our system just isn’t set up for death. I don’t know what more I can do to help.”
Family Member: “Well, if you figure it out, great ! If not, you could just keep billing her. I really don’t think she will care.”
The Bank: “Well, the late fees charges do still apply.”
(What is wrong with these people??!!)
Family Member: “Would you like her new billing address?”
The Bank: “Yes, that will help.”
Family Member: ” Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.”
The Bank: “Sir, that is a cemetery!”
Family Member: “What do you do with dead people on YOUR planet?!!

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_________________________________

Prophet’s Lesson of the Day: Don’t make promises you have no intention of keeping.

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Xin Liangkun, 53, of Dalian city, created an unique five layered ball in 10 years. He created the ball such that each of the five balls can turn inside without touching the others. In a television documentary he claimed that no one could reproduce the ball.

“This ball was my first piece, and only I understand how it was made,” he told a television documentary. “If anyone can reproduce it, I’l give him my three-storey building, and the collections within it.”

But young porcelain amateur from Luoyang city, Sun Zheng, created the exact same thing in six month.

Promise is promise but it was not easy for Xin to hand over his home and his prized porcelain collecion. He tried to prove that the replica wasn’t similar to the one he created but unsucessfully.

A court ruled that Xin’s TV pledge has the same validity as a signed contract, and must be fulfilled.

If Xin does not appeal within 15 days he will lose his £100,000 three-story home and his prized porcelain collection.

_______________________

I think that’s enough writing fortoday. I don’t want to overload your sensitive brains. Soooooo… it’s comic and picture time!!!!!!!!!!

Well, actually, just a couple of more words… to introduce the first comic: I hate people that constantly type in shitty IRC language. It’s okay to use ‘u’ instead of ‘you’ but don’t overdo that shit. Its really sad when people lose their ability to communicate properly like a human being, and yet they don’t realize that they’re slowly reducing themselves to animal level. Why don’t you just grunt instead of talk? That’s what ultimately what you’re going to do, you apes. You developed proper language skills for a reason retards.

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This last one reminds me to remind you to remind me to

post about aliens and ‘judgment day’

(It’s a GIF so wait for it….)

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NOTE: Has anybody heard of Balls of Fury and does anybody know if a pirated copy is out?

 

 

 

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24 Responses to “The Truth About Scooby Doo”

  1. chikapappi said

    Hehehee… You were so “inti” Scooby obviously – I never cared! That’s cool though
    1. I always cancel my cards – well, did that twice actually when I was pissed off men my bills – reactivated them again! Mafi fayda!

    2. Yes, empty promises are nooo good, hence I make it clear if I can do it or not bas this dude is a dimwit!

    LOL at your comics

  2. Prophet said

    Chika: Actually, I never really got into Scooby Doo. I saw it sometimes because my lil bro was really into it. My cartoons as a kid were:

    1. Tom and Jerry (Super violent if you really think of it)

    2. Bugs bunny … etc.

    3. Transformers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Thundercats, He-Man, She-Ra, and tons of others of that time.

    The cartoons we used to watch back in the day are so much better than most of the crap that kids watch today like Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

    Blue Dress: Just curious but where’d you get the name blue dress? Do you always wear a blue dress like how cartoons wear the same thing everyday? Like how Lisa from The Simpsons wears a red dress almost all the time? That would be cool if you did, saves you the hassle of making an unimportant decision in the morning.

    Also, I saw this awesome video of a tickle-me elmo being set on fire. You may be able to find it on you-tube. Check it out. Oh, wait you said elmo rocks, I thought you said elmo sucks. Sorry my mistake. The video is cool though. You should check it out anyway.

    BTW, what does elmo have to do with my post?

  3. Chirp said

    Fred is always wearing a scarf probably because he has hickies all over :p

    Scooby-Snacks is a drink in the US, or a shot I think.

    Whats “pwned”
    ???

  4. N. said

    Balls of Fury, A Telesync copy is out (cinema copy) but not a DVD one.

    Irish I was in bed;/

    Poor Chinese bastard. I like the lesson of the day.

    lol @ the cat in the picture. Hitler looks cool though.

    Last but not least, Scooby doo sucks!

  5. Prophet of Random said

    Chirp: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pwn

    When in doubt, google it.

  6. Chirp said

    Thats so stupid, why can’t they just say “owned” how do you even pronounce it?!

    I’m really sleepy dude, and I just got my confirmation letter for my position at work !

  7. Tooomz said

    So the latest Robot Chicken that’s out is all about the ’80s toons. WATCH IT DAMNIT!

  8. MY K said

    I work at a Kuwaiti bank. When someone dies (someone actually checks the daily obituaries), we freeze the account and not charge him/her anything. We charge the account so that the “system” won’t debit it for loans and/or credit cards (inssurance take’s care of that). The inheritants would take any cash in the account.

    Well, the late fees charges do NOT still apply :P

  9. Blue Dress said

    I was searching for a blue dress at the time. Yeah I found it …plus the name was available; p
    though i woudnt mind wearing it everyday. i might try it for a week and wee what happenes.

    now elmo … I just remembered that he’s my favorite character he’s so cute, adorable and most importantly NOT GAY!

    I know that he’s not a cartoon but I just remembered him Weeeessssssssiiiiiiiii

    nice try, maybe next time you will make me cry

  10. Blue Dress said

    I was searching for a blue dress at the time. Yeah I found it …plus the name was available.
    though i wouldnt min wearing one everyday.
    maybe i will try for a week and see what happenes.

    Now Elmo… I just remembered that he’s my favorite character he’s so cute, adorable and most importantly NOT GAY! ; P

    I know that he’s not a cartoon but I just remembered him Weeeessssssssiiiiiiiii

    you mean this

    Nice try, maybe next time you will make me cry.

  11. Blue Dress said

    oh right moderation , and i thought i erased it . LOL yalla ma3alih.

  12. Blue Dress said

    Come on! thats the third time! i post the comment!

    “I was searching for a blue dress at the time. Yeah I found it …plus the name was available.
    though i might actually try wearing one for a whole week and see what happenes”

    Now elmo…I just remembered that he’s my favorite character he’s so cute, adorable and most importantly NOT GAY! ; P

    I know that he’s not a cartoon but I just remembered him Weeeessssssssiiiiiiiii

    and nice try, maybe next time you will make me cry”

  13. Blue Dress said

    Come on! thats the third time! i post the comment!

    “I was searching for a blue dress at the time. Yeah I found it …plus the name was available.
    though i might actually try wearing one for a whole week and see what happenes”

    Now elmo…I just remembered that he’s my favorite character he’s so cute, adorable and most importantly NOT GAY! ; P

    I know that he’s not a cartoon but I just remembered him Weeeessssssssiiiiiiiii
    and nice try, maybe next time you will make me cry”

  14. Blue Dress said

    AAAAA %(^*%)%*% PHUCK IT!

  15. Blue Dress said

    How come it only submits short comments?
    am i doing something stupid without realizing
    can someone enlighten me PORFAVOR!

  16. princess said

    lol at the scooby thing, so shaggy had the munchies hmmm interesting and scooby Dee awwwwww hehehe i loved him!!

  17. N. said

    What happened to the 2, 3 posts a day? No pressure btw.

  18. M. said

    Dude, you forgot to may homage to Thundercats. Granted (that) they’re all drag queens, but there’s a sword of omens…the sword of freakin’ omens, man! The sword can see the future! *pauses*
    Yeah, those cartoonists were high on LSD.

    Robot Chicken is, by far, one of the best animated series out today. I heart Seth Green *swoon*. If only he looked like the entire cast of 300.

  19. M. said

    Ohhh… heheheh… read the above comments again and see that you’ve put in Thundercats.
    :D
    I blame the drugs. I always blame the drugs. I also blame the republicans.

  20. Prophet of Random said

    Blue Dress: I found your missing comments, they were automatically filed as spam. I don’t know why and how that works, but I took them out and put them up. Maybe its cuz you had a link on there. Maybe they though you were trying to sell breast enlargement creams and penis extensions by posting that link on my blog. Were you? WERE YOU?!

  21. Blue Dress said

    LOOOOOL! kaaaaaak
    seriously .

    How did you know!
    DAMN IT!

    So do you want to buy it or not?

  22. Blue Dress said

    and lool laish 7a6aa all of’em ;p

  23. chikapappi said

    LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL! Blue! you do that : “were trying to sell breast enlargement creams and penis extensions by posting that link on my blog” LOL!!!

    LOL!!!

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