Chocolate Milk and iPods

August 26, 2007

I have to say, I complain about my job alot, but the fact is there is one huge positive to working here: I get to do alot of shit and I get away with it.

Let me give you a more specific example:
My boss walks into my office to tell me that the HR manager was just in to see him. And my boss was telling him how impressed he was with me and how hardworking I am (teehheeee). And how I need to work twice as hard as everybody here because US KUWAITIS ARE THE FUTURE.

The whole “work hard, you are the future” is my boss’ usual rant. Okay. So what’s the big deal? The big deal is what I was doing when he walked in to tell me what I good worker I was.

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I was sipping on my 123 KDD mini milk chocolate while listening to Get Crunk by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys and I was getting really into it. I was so into it that I started dancing (kinda). Let’s just say that my dance was a modified version of the dance below:

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I’m completely serious! You couldn’t make this shit up. I was sipping on my chocolate milk with my iPod on full blast, and shaking my shoulders when my boss walks in.
I was going to burst into laughter, but I just paused my iPod and put down my milk (stopped dancing too) and smiled at my boss. And my boss said nothing of it… he just told me what I already know: I’m awesome- and a kick-ass worker.

Loool…. man, I’m going to miss this place (kinda- well, not really).

Anyway, enough about me and my crazy adventures at work. It’s time to help all of you enjoy your mundane jobs. The best way to entertain yourself at work is with Faceball- a revolutionary new game!

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Basically, you just throw balls at each others faces- it’s genius! Its especially fun if you play it with a co-worker that doesn’t know you’re playing! What fun!

For the official rules of Faceball and a score sheet click here.

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As you should all know by now, I enjoy things that are strange and disturbing. Which is why you shouldn’t piss me off because you know I’m not going to be a girly-girl and just go home and cry. I might cry for 5 minutes but while I’m sobbing I’m going to do something really fucked up to you.
For example, if my boyfriend cheated on me I wouldn’t just get upset, I’d get even. I’d sooo do what the woman below did.

Woman sets ex’s penis on fire

A Russian man is recovering after his ex-wife set fire to his penis.

The woman is reported to have lost her her temper as he sat watching TV – naked and sipping vodka.

It is not clear if the man will make a full recovery, reports Sky News.

“It was monstrously painful,” the injured man told reporters. “I was burning like a torch. I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

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Ouch!!! That can’t be pleasant. Oh well, as they say: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”.

The penis-flambe story teaches us two very good lessons:

Lesson One: Ladies, there’s always a way to get even, so stop crying.

Lesson Two: Guys, you think it’s cool and pimp to fuck around with a lot of different girls, eh? Well, one day one of them is going to turn out to be insane and she’s going to set you’re dick on fire. In conclusion: Keep your dick in your pants, and it’ll be out of harm’s way.

What? What is that you guys are saying? I can’t hear you. TURN MY HEADPHONES UP! Uuhhhh!

Oh, oh, you want pictures? Okay. But you have to look at one nasty one first, okay?

OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

 

Disfigured Hand

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How to Prepare a Kiwi

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Go little piggy!

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Hot Dog Cake

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Jesus Goes for the Gold!!

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Concentration Camp

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9 Responses to “Chocolate Milk and iPods”

  1. MiYaFuSHi said

    Hilarious!

    Tell us a story about how you got even :D

  2. whiskey said

    . Looool Seriously you are officially insane. I LOVE you! HAHAHAHAHA that’s soo funny

    Keep DAncing

  3. N. said

    That Russian story reminded me of an article I once read about a Filipino man who cut of his penis because his wife accused him of cheating. Hmm, strange world we live in.

  4. Prophet of Random said

    Whiskey: I question my sanity often. Which is how I know I am not completely insane. Crazy people don’t think they’re crazy, right? RIGHT? I’m not really crazy am I? AM I?! Oh God! Make the voices shut up! *punch myself*

    N: Damn! the man cut his own penis off? If my husband did that I’d leave him because:
    1. He’s insane
    2. Why is he freaking out because of an accusation? He probably did cheat on me and he wants to ragga3.
    3. He has no penis= he cannot have sex with me. And wants the point of being with someone you can’t have sex with, really? I mean if I wanted undying loyalty and affection without sex, I’d buy a puppy.

  5. N. said

    roflmao! Ragge3!? I don’t think there is any targee3 to be done here. That really cracked me up!

    *5 minutes later*

    Holy! I was trying to find the article, and did a search on people cutting off penises. It seems he’s not the only whack job out there, there are others, may others with far worse stories! I’ll leave the rest to you, I am scarred for life now.

  6. whiskey said

    You have to read one book i have regarding this issue. hoolar if you want it. i’ll fed’ex it to you!

    I think we all are, bes some show it which is the healthier way to go, while others keep it in until they explode one day or kill someone

  7. Prophet of Random said

    Whiskey: What’s the book called?

    N: Yeah, doing evil stuff to penises is quite popular these days. I think Lorena Bobbit made it popular back in the 1990s.

    Cut penis is the new black.

  8. whiskey said

    Going sane by adam philips

  9. Alia said

    heheheh I DID laugh audible that time. hahahha I could just imagine your face while trying to not laugh and regather yourself with an “ehm…” putting your milk down and listening to how great you are. hehehhe and the video…awesome

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