Danger, Prophet, Danger!

August 23, 2007

I just realized something…. something sad…. and, no, its not that Jenna Jameson took out her implants and is quitting porn (which will be discussed below). It’s something worse:

I might be quitting my job soon (which is great news!) but the thing is that the only time I really blog (or use the internet at all) is when I’m at work. Thusly, when I quit, it may be, just maybe, the end of The Chronicles of Random.

Don’t cry little ones, nothing is for sure. And anyway, every prophet tries to convey their message to the Good People and then, eventually, must come to an end.

Anyway, like I said, nothing’s for sure, so dry your eyes little retarded darlings and keep on reading! Because today’s edition of The Chronicles of Random starts off with some news from the adult movie world!

JENNA JAMESON QUITS MAKING PORN!

Now, I’m not one of those girls that believes all porn degrades women. I’m not going to say: Thank God, Jenna quit that horrid industry, and is now free to ride unicorns and shit. But I really am glad that JJ quit. “Why?” Are you seriously asking me that question? Have you seen her lately? She looks like a tall, disfigured oompa-loompa.
I won’t lie, she used to be hot. Used to be. But something happened to her. She had a freak accident with a mystic-tan machine and then for some reason she got a blind man to give her facial plastic surgery.

Before Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

jenna-jameson-sfw.jpg

After marinading in Mirinda for a year

jenna-jameson-celebrity-catwalk-08.jpg

jenna-jameson-oscar-gala-01-thumb.jpg

Now, for you emos out there: this next part is going to be a little verbally graphic you may want to skip ahead:

I just know that there are a couple of you guys out there that are getting a getting horny while looking at the pictures above. And you’re imagining doing Jenna Jameson on your office desk. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Do you know what would happen if you stuck your dick in that? It would explode. And I don’t mean in an orgasmic sense. I mean it would literally explode. *Ka-boom*

-“What happended to your dick?”

-“I stuck it in Jenna Jameson”

-“Oh….. yeah, that was stupid.”

-“Yeah… I know.”

That is the conversation your going to be having with your VD doctor after the explosion. Seriously, that ho is nasty in every possible way! Yeeccchh!

Now stop looking at Jenna and rubbing your crotch, and go calm down: Go watch some Barney or something. But God, if you think Jenna Jameson is hot you’d probably want to stick it up Barney too. Go get some professional help, you sick bastard!

_____________________________________

In other news, something horrible has happened. Here’s the news from Geekologie:

“In one of the saddest turn of events I have read recently, some guy managed to secure a direct casting of Han Solo in carbonite from the original prop, and then had the face sawed off and replaced with a mold of his. This is in no way, shape, or form cool at all. What was this guy thinking? You have an iconic piece of one of the best movies of all time, and you go and deface it (literally). He probably has the Holy Grail chalice from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade too, but decided it wasn’t cool enough and had to glue plastic rhinestones on it and write “Pimp Juice” on the side with puffy paint. “

han-solo-carbonite.jpg

______________________________________________

 

Picture time!!

Lolcat!

butt.jpg

 

What if a lolcat wrote the bible? Hmmmmm…..

genesis.jpg

 

Why you should get the warranty….

dogpee.jpg

 

Protein Diet

protein_diet.jpg

 

God

god1.jpg

 

What to do if you encounter a mountain lion:

mountain_lion_encounter.jpg

 

Segway-Beta

segway_beta.jpg

 

They’re making a He-Movie you know:

skelator.jpg

___________________________________

 

Comics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The break up

the-break-up.png

 

??

justin_hawaiianpunch.gif

 

This last one is for my Jew friend: Foofy

tacos.png

 

 

 

 

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4 Responses to “Danger, Prophet, Danger!”

  1. chikapappi said

    Holly mother of God! Olla Olla, don’t worry about blogging I know you will manage & I might join you too & quit soon! As for your porn friend, weellll- she don’t look that bad! at least se is “normal” now!

  2. Princess said

    goodluck with the job thing, and jenna omg shino hal shakil! i dnt think porn is degrading too, i think its a little dramatic hehe but not degrading :p anddd ee feed the children to the lions!!

  3. Blue dress said

    lol

    Well look at the bright side, you might get another boring job , even more boring than the one your currently in…therefore you will have more time to blog.

    Sniffles

  4. Chirp said

    i cant believe we’re calling her foofy now .. if she knows she’d probably kill us.

    THE HILLS ROCK!!!!! u should blog about them :P

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