It’s sexy time!

August 6, 2007

All right kiddos, as promised, today’s post will be about sex and all that other good stuff.

First of all for those of you who don’t know what sex is: When a man and a woman fall in love something special happens……  Screw that! If you don’t know what sex is you shouldn’t even be using the internet! It’s full of porn pop-ups! Turn off your computer quickly, before you lose your mental virginity!

But no seriously, the reason I have decided to discuss this topic today is because I’ve been reading up on some diseases that you can get by just kissing people or sharing a drink. And I’ve, ahem, shared some drinks with people every now and then. Luckily, I’m clean as a whistle. Some people I know aren’t as lucky. So what can you get from innocent friendliness?

1. Mononucleosis: “The kissing disease”

Its basically like you have a really bad flu. Fever, extreme fatigue, weakness, sore throat and other good stuff.  The bastardly thing about this disease is that the fatigue is really bad and lasts about 2 months. And the the virus that causes this disease can hibernate in your body indefinitely, resurfacing at a later time. So once you have it you have the potential to give it to anybody….. hmmmm…. now that I think of it sounds kinda cool; my own personal biological weapon. If I was a mono carrier, I’d make out with people I didn’t like. Which would really suck for me, but it would be worse for them later on.

And oh yeah,  you think only hos and sluts get this disease? Wrong. Those wonderful slobbering things called babies also can carry the disease and infect you. Damn you baby hos! Damn you!!!

2. The mumps:

Do you remember the vaccine we took as kids? The MMR. Well, one of those Ms stands for mumps. Mumps is not that much fun to have. Why? Well, here’s why:


Painful swelling of the salivary glands- and sometimes testes, ouch!

3. Herpes:

Now you’ve all heard of herpes, I’m sure. Herpes is really gross. I mean  google the photos. Even I thought they were nasty and shouldn’t put them up. And that says alot. You can get herpes by kissing somebody on their lips (or their naughty palce *giggle*) and ofcourse sex. Heres’s one of the more acceptable pictures:


Ho eyes.

Some more facts about herpes is that those cold sore you get on your mouth? They’re a form of herpes (but most everybody gets those at one point and they go away on their own). Also, cats have they’re own form of herpes that they can transmit to other cats.

I was considering allowing my cat to have one night of wild animal sex with boredq80’s cat before I get him fixed. But now that I know about feline herpes, I’m reconsidering it. Sorry boredq80, but your cat looks promiscuous. I want to have my cats balls removed, not have them fall off because he had sex with some skanky cat. Sorry, boredq80. Lol

Anyway, enough about kissing lets move on to sex. Let me tell you what I think of sex:

Sex should be fun. Sex can be good exercise. Sex is probably a good anti-depressant. Unsafe sex can also give you tons of diseases- I won’t even bother getting into that. Now people constantly ask me if I’d had sex, and the answer is no. Why? Well, if I wasn’t kuwaiti I probably would have had sex by now, but I’m expected to be a virgin here. And yet, its not even about that; I mean seriously, fuck kuwaiti expectations. If I listen to that shit I’d be married with 5 kids by now.

And to me its not about morality. I don’t think non-married non-virigins are immoral or hos. Bitches can do whatever they want. Sooooo….. the question still remains: “Why am I a virgin?” and the answer is simply PUSSY CONTROL. That’s right. Just like Prince said; I’m gonna get bank in my pocket before I get dick in my drawers.

Really, that song is an anthem that all the stupid retarded marina-man hunting bitches should listen to. Really, to me those girls are no better than chickenhead hoodrats waiting on the corner in the ghetto.

Well, to sum up todays post: avoid making out and having sex with people, and if you don’t makeout out with people thinking you’re safe, you’re not. You’ll probably catch crap by playing with some baby. And I, personally, would prefer to get mono by playing tonsil-hockey with Brad Pitt rather than get it playing “this little piggy” with little cousin Jimmy.


 PS: I forgot to tell you, when you get disease like the above you’re also more likely to get meningitis and encephalitis (swelling of the brain and its membranes). NASTY!

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5 Responses to “It’s sexy time!”

  1. Princess said

    umm thank u for the scary eye picture thing, and yeah *grin* aham shay rock out with your hehehhe yeah

  2. Spikey said

    umm i think when people are in a relationship they should be physical somehow…even if it sex its up to them….

    its better than just keeping it inside till you blow up…

  3. Passer By said

    Pussy Control ? lol ! awesome post !

  4. Prophet of Random said

    I completely agree with you Spikey. In fact I think that unless you do something physical its not considered a relationship.

    I mean c’mon really. I mean to me the minimum to be in a relationship is a kiss. If you’re in elementary or middle school I would drop the requirement down to holding hands.

  5. Spikey said

    true true

    it doesnt have to be sex…its up to the couple..if they belive its right ..then let them be..but physical is a must ….

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