Thursday

July 12, 2007

Ahhhh Thursday! The last day of my work week. I was soooo looking forward to this weekend, I thought that I should majorly party it up before I get sliced open on Sunday. But upon review, that’s probably a bad idea. Partying like crazy will probably just make me sicker and probably won’t mix well with general anasthetic. *Sigh* I’m so considerate of myself *hug self*.

Anyway, today’s post is the last until after my week’s rest. I was wondering what I could possibly do to help the time pass, then it came to me: Do-It-Yourself projects. Here’s one of my favorites- The hand turkey:

You Will Need:

 turkey1.gif

Felt markers or crayons,
sticky-tape,
construction paper,
blunt scissors,
a parent’s permission.

turkey2.gif

1:  Place your hand flat on a sheet of construction paper.

turkey3.gif 

2:  Cut your hand off with the blunt scissors. The faster you go, the less it will hurt!

turkey4.gif

3:  Cauterize your stump on an electric burner. Ask your parents for help.

turkey5.gif

4:  Decorate the hand to look like a turkey with the markers, paper and sticky-tape. Gobble-gobble!

turkey6.gif

5:  Hang your turkey on the front door with nails or a staple gun.

 

Wasn’t that an interesting and creative project kids? I didn’t come up with that project though, The Onion did. I haven’t really invented anything worthwhile yet. There are some really wierd inventions out there-for example:

Anyone who wears glasses knows that the earpiece that holds your glasses to your head can be annoying and on a bad day, cause headaches.  The earpieces have to be tight enough to hold your glasses on and loose enough to be comfortable.  And, it can be tricky finding this happy medium.  So our fearless inventor discovered a new way to hang eye glasses on your face, by using body piercing studs.  That’s right… pierce your face, hang your glasses! 

pierced-glasses.jpg

Blow it up.  Wear it.  Get towed in it.  Surf in it.  Roll in it.  Do face plants in it.  The Sumo Tube!!!

sumo-tube1.jpg

sumo-tube2.jpg

As the inventor says, “The Nose Pouch is the best new innovation in handkerchiefs since the Dark Ages.”  Wow, bold indeed!  This new generation of handkerchief is designed to contain your excessive nasal discharge in its handy little pouch. Nasty!!!

nose-pouch.jpg

Do you need protection from bio-chemical terrorists attacks?  How about natural disasters?  Kidnappers and stalkers?  Or would you just feel safer sleeping in a bulletproof bed?  If you answered yes to any of the aforementioned questions, you need the oh-so-versatile Quantum Sleeper.   Not for the claustrophobic or light of check book, this $160,000 coffin-esque “saferoom” does not include the optional microwave, fridge or entertainment center. 

bulletproof-bed.jpg

 

Wow, I sooooo need that bed. I could sleep with a guy and if he tries to escape in the morning I could lock him in and listen to him scream. Ahhh… The good times that I could have…..

 I gtg kids, the workday is done. I know this is short post, but I was actually busy today and didn’t have much time to post so: TOUGH TOMATOES!

Ta ta, cheerio! See you next next week!  

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4 Responses to “Thursday”

  1. sknkwrkz said

    i fart when asleep so that bed would most asphyxiate me.

  2. Whiskey said

    Very Funny. Love the turkey thingee i will try it.

    But if something happened i will blame you then borrow your hand. Vale?

  3. I just went through your site. You’re pretty good at this.

  4. sknkwrkz said

    i hope you didnt develop a puss oozing infection and die.

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