Confessions

July 11, 2007

I woke up nice and early today, and i’m actually feeling pretty good. I think that this would be a good time to confess somethings about myself.

  • I’ve eaten the stem of a tulip. I was just curious what it would taste like, it tastes exactly like celery
  • I used to chew tissues when I was a kid (they were clean tissues). I have a hyperactive salivatory gland and thats how I would control it.
  • I lick people. I’ve discovered, over the years, that digust is the most effective weapon. Like when I would fight over the remote with my one of my brothers or sisters, licking their hand or just opening my mouth and let the saliva seep onto their hands was highly effective in getting them to let go.  Most recently I licked the side of my brother’s face. Let’s just say he got REALLY pissed. Loool. I’m so powerful. Downside to licking= bad taste and stubble burn (if you’re licking a guy’s face).  Summary: If all else fails try licking somebody to get what you want.

You guys should feel blessed that I’m sharing my life’s lessons with you. This is great, valuable information your parents won’t tell you.

Since I’m feeling good right now, today’s post won’t contain anything morbid or tragic. We’ll start out with cute animal pictures. They’re so fuzzy-wuzzy-cuddly-wuddly… ahem:

cute-little-animals-01.jpg

cute-little-animals-03.jpg

cute-little-animals-04.jpg

cute-little-animals-05.jpg

cute-little-animals-06.jpg

cute-little-animals-18.jpg

cute-little-animals-28.jpg

worlds_ugliest_dog_sam.jpg

Okay so that last one was ugly. Poor dog’s called Sam and he’s the world’s ugliest dog (poor bastard). This next picture (and the article below) is for the guys:

 women.jpg

breast-article.jpg

I know, ladies, I know. If your husbad is to be staring at other women’s breasts what are you going to do? Well, I’ll tell you what: Make sure that he lives those extra 4-5 years in poverty. This next picture is for the ladies:

lawyeryeah.jpg

It doesn’t matter whether you are a man or a woman, we’ve all been bred from the same dirt. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a man or a woman, we all loved our mother’s milk, and now you can love it again!:

mothersmilk.jpg 

That’s right, mother’s milk in a carton! Yuuuuuuuuuummmmmm! They sell this stuff in Japan. I wonder what the factory looks like. Hmmmmmm…… or maybe you can work from home. If I was supplying them with the milk I’d just ask to work from home with a bucket and I’d just milk myself and send it to the factory at the end of the day. That would be an awesome job! I’d get to stay at home and essentially play with myself.

You know when you think about how life would be if you were something else, like a dog, for example. Well, I’ve decided that one of the last things I’d want to be is a cactus. Why?

 cactus.jpg

Cacti are so misunderstood. Word.

word.jpg

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5 Responses to “Confessions”

  1. EniGma said

    hahaah wai3 i’d get so pissed if someone licked me! ;p

    as for tulips.. i used to eat flowers just to see what they tasted like (not good!)

  2. Tooomz said

    LOL! Love it. The cute and cuddly segment was a strange departure for you but having just discussed Madagascar with my coworker it seemed fitting. Remember the cute lemur from that ‘toon?

    Don’t you ever lick me!

  3. boredq80 said

    I LIKE TO MOVE IT MOVE IT .. i love that cartooooon!!! hahahahahahaha

    your one funny person loved the post .. tried not to laugh at work

  4. Princess said

    u know, i have a thing against mothers milk. a7is as a kid i was too stupid to realise ino i do, but i mean uhh why do we have to have milk in us!! we r not cows!!! but anyway that was a very very funny post, and the licking thing works like a charm but not with certain someones, then ur just asking for trouble hehehe

  5. N. said

    lol that licking thing, my siblings and I used to do that when we were kids too! :p nice comic, perfect Wednesday post!

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