Openings, openings, so many openings

May 30, 2007

Ok some real world updates for you kids:

A Vertu boutique has opened yesterday in the Salhiya Complex. I was going to go but attending boutique openings is SO last year, and I had promised a friend of mine I would do something beautiful with him (if you really know me you know what I’m talking about).

Secondly, I just got a menu of a restuarant called “Abou Shakra” which is a famous Egyptian restuarant chain. They have things like bird tongue soup and Ouzi – NOT to be confused with Ouzo. The restuarant is in Firwaniya. 

Anyway, I’m not sure what to post today. We have some Darwin Awards, Stella Awards, and tons of pictures. But I don’t want to overwhelm you so I’ll post the Stella Awards along with some pictures.  Enjoy yourselves, but remember to always use a condom!

Stella Awards

It’s time once again to consider the candidates for the annual Stella Awards. The Stella’s are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States.

The following are this year’s candidates:

1. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

2. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next-door neighbor’s beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner’s fenced yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

3. A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn’t notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor’s hub caps.

4. A. Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 a! after she slipped on a soft drink spill and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

5. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn’t reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner’s insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

6. A jury of her peers awarded Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, $780,000 after breaking her ankle by tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson’s son.

7. This year’s favorite could easily be Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner’s manual that he couldn’t actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their recreation vehicles.

Wow, there are so many retarded people on this planet making so much money. But don’t worry kids because tomorrow I’ll post some Darwin Awards that will make you feel that this world is a better place.

And now, for some pictures. Yaaaaaaay! Pictures!

Hamster-fight!!!:

hamsterfight.jpg

Teeeheee- you silly dyslexic people!:

dyslexic.jpg

Forgive me father for I have sinned….Mmmmmm…*choke*:

stained.jpg

Why I tell people to avoid tanning excessively:

stoptanning.jpg

This last one is for Flava!

stop.jpg

 

 

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One Response to “Openings, openings, so many openings”

  1. boredq80 said

    aaaaaaaaaagh i wish i can make that much money by falling down lol

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