February 10, 2008
I have now officially moved to:
Its not the finished product but it’ll do for now.
**Update: I fixed the link
February 4, 2008
Mmmmmm! Mmmmm! I love sugarfree redbull!!!! Love it!
I just had a can (which I haven’t had in months – because I quit caffeine). I guess I just unquit caffiene. I love the stuff! It tastes awesome and I feel energetic, my foot wont stop tapping. I feel really good. But as is well known “what goes up, must come down”, so I know I’m going to feel pretty shitty quite soon.
But how great it is when you’re up! That’s the catch with drugs (yes, caffeine is a drug): Even if you don’t feel like crap when you are off of them, you know somethings missing when you are without them. You know that you could feel just a little bit better if you had a little. Just a little. Just a little bit to get your head straight *chugs redbull*.
Okay, I am exaggerating my love for redbull but I think that that little intro paved the way really nicely to today’s topic. Drugs! Yay!
Don’t get too excited all you crackwhores and junkies… I just found some interesting drug related links and stories. There’s no free peanutbutter and crack sandwiches here.
Will your potential employer drug test you? Find out!
Pot vending machines -Its about time!
Marijuana therapy is a part of anger managament? Really? So that’s why I’m angry all the time! This whole time all I needed was some pretty purple haze to calm me down. You can contribute to my therapy by donating to the Prophet Anger Management Fund (soon to accept PayPal payments!).
In case you’re a lazy mo’fo’ that didn’t bother clicking on the link there is one thing you HAVE TO read:
Will these lollipops get me wasted? – Hell fucking yes they will! You’ll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick. The crackhead on the street corner tried one and said it was better than smoking rocks. Try one and you’ll slice an ear off and give it to a hooker before you can say “Damn, I’m tyrannosaurus wrecked, what the hell happened to my ear?”
That is poetry right there people! Read and learn! Those words up there are classic. I’m probably going to be quoting them for the next few years!
“You’ll be sent on an intergalactic trip to Holyshitland as soon as you take a lick!”
” Damn, I’m tyrannosaurus wrecked!”
Hahahahaha! Love it!
Damn y’all, my boss walked in and I had to go to his office where I received the “you are the future, it’s your time to shine” lecture. Its now 3.30 and it looks like I’m not going to get out until atleast 5. Damnit!
February 3, 2008
And so, just like Jesus, I have returned!
I reached a point at work, and in my life, where I felt completely blah. Only those who have felt it truly know the blah feeling. Anyway, I decided that I was going to quit this dead-end job. And I went to my boss and I told him that I was quitting. He suggested I take a vacation. And so I thought “okay, I’ll take a paid vacation and if I want to quit afterwards I will”. And so I took a month off. I was stuck here in Kuwait the whole time, which sucked monkey balls, but it was a vacation nonetheless. During this month, I decided that even though this job is retarded (TIMMY!) atleast I get paid decently for the shit I do, my coworkers are pleasant enough, and I can fuck around on the internet. Also, it would be really hard to ragga3 unemployment on a resume or grad application. And so I decided that I would give it another go.
And so, today is my first day back. Everything is pretty much the same, except there is a new Kuwaiti guy working with us now, seems alright. And the work is the same retarded crap, as in it is literally THE SAME. The stuff I had been working on more than a month ago is still not complete. How ridiculous is that?
One important thing has changed: I now have realized that this is a job and not a career. I know that the only reason I’m here is because I need to be. I don’t need to love it, I need to bear it, atleast for now anyway.
And with my job comes the return of my blogging.
Wow, and with that I have suddenly come up with the name of my new blog (I’ve run out of space on this one, remember?) :
And so my new blog is born –
The Chronicles of Random: Resurrection
There’s nothing on there yet, I’ll let you know when its up and running….
Anyway, I started this post with the intent of discussing two things.
First, spam. No, not the processed meat in a can, I mean the crap that gets sent to you via email or as blog comments (blam) trying to sell you junk. You know, “Breast Enhancement Cream: Guaranteed 2 cups in 2 hours!”
Why is it that most of the spam you get is sexual? Porn links, penis enlargement, breast enlargement… etc.
The porn links I might understand, but who would buy some mysterious cream that makes your body parts swell off of the internet? I wonder how many people actually buy that stuff online.
I have to admit that I actually found one blam funny. It was really long and it started off as usual:
“Nude girls sex lolita orgy oral anal blonde pussy gay underage nude midget….”…etc
But then it took an unexpected turn:
“dick threesome refrigerator television radiator….”
That’s some weird ass porn if it includes a radiator and a refrigerator. I wish I’d saved the spam, but alas, I did not.
Now, secondly, I’d like to discuss this whole whole plan to segregate the private schools and universities: WHAT THE FUCK WRONG WITH THIS FUCKING COUNTRY? This country is exponentially regressing.
I don’t agree with segregation in public schools (its the basis of why most of the guys and girls here are so fucked up), but I guess since I’m not paying for it I have no right to complain. But if I pay for my kids to go to a co-ed school, what fucking right do you have to say otherwise? If you don’t want your kids to go to a co-ed school, don’t fucking send them there. Why do my kids have to suffer because of your lame-ass religious issues?
I’ve always thought this shit was ridiculous. I remember when I was in middle school my private co-ed school had a barbecue one evening on a weekend. It was nothing especially interesting, there was bbq, food, and music. I think 3 people may have danced in total. None of them within 10 meters of each other and each surrounded by their friends (of the same sex).
The next thing we hear at school is that some kid told his religious parents that there was a party at school. And that his mom went to the ministry of education and complained about the sin that was occurring at the school. What the fuck? You have the audacity to send your kid to a co-ed school and then complain about an after-school party? I would understand if her kid had to attend mandatory exotic dance classes at school, but this was a completely optional afterschool activity. You have no right to go and ruin it for everybody (which she did because the ministry made a big deal about it). Bitch.
All of the people that force these retarded laws upon us are bitches! Bitches, the lot of you! Fucking useless government and retarded general population… *mumble**grumble*.
The government passes shitty laws and then placates the people by giving them shit like unnecessary pay raises or oil money gifts. And then thanks to the extra cash, which everybody knows is out there, prices go up. And then the people start to complain. Fucking idiots. Its simple economics. But seeing as segregating schools is the priority for the ministry of education I’m not surprised that most people are not educated in the basics of economics. Its so sad that education is the last thing that the Ministry of Education is actually concerned with.
I would really love it if somebody could point out something that the government is actually doing well. I like the social security system but when I think of the millions of retards that it supports, that basically don’t do shit all their lives, it would probably be better if it were different. I also always liked the fact that the government supplied free healthcare. But once you actually see the grimy insides of public hospitals and how fucking unorganized and inefficient they are I think that that the government can take the healthcare system and shove it. I’ll leave out the horror stories about death and mistreatment by incompetent and overworked public doctors. I’ll tell you a simple tale about me trying to go see an endocrinologist. I have to go to the mustawsaf who will schedule an appointment for me to see an internal medicine doctor in 3 months and then, God-willing, that doctor will give me an appointment 3 months from then to see an endocrinologist.
6 months… lovely.
This country is going to the shitter. Bitches.
And on that sweet note I bid you adieu!
October 17, 2007
Owwww…. my toes hurt. *whine* Seriously my big toes hurt. I think I might have a mild case of ingrown nail. Not cool, I know, but it happens. Why do we have toenails anyway? We don’t really need them. I understand why we have fingernails. I mean, fingernails you can use to….ummmm….. pick your nose…. ummmm…. measure the perfect snort of cocaine and …. ummm…. ummm… remove stickers from things. See? Finger nails are useful. But toenails are pretty useless. You can’t really do any of that stuff with your toenails (well, I guess you technically could if you’re really flexible). But for the most part, toenails are just an annoyance. So, I’ve decided to get my toenails removed . Okay, so maybe I won’t get them removed but I want to because toenails suck ass.
You know what else is wrong with the human body? We’re missing tails. I want a tail. A nice long furry tail that I can cuddle with when I’m going to sleep. A nice long tail that I can play with when I’m lonely. A tail that I can hug when I’m crying. *sob* Oh, I’m sooo lonely! *wail*
Just kidding, but seriously, having a tail would be awesome. It would keep flies and mosquitoes away from you. You could smack people in the face with your tail when they annoy you and then say “Oh, that silly tail has a mind of its own!”. So many things to do once you have a tail! The possibilities are endless!
Oh, hold on, I’ve got some work to do. Actual work. Credit division work…. sweet!
Damn you guys, this work looks like its going to take a while…. we’re going to have to finish this tomorrow.
BTW: WordPress saved this post as #769. Which is weird, I haven’t written that many posts have I? Go and count them, will you? Let me know how many I have. C’mon, chip chop! Snippity snap!
October 11, 2007
October 11, 2007
Hello children! You can feel it, cant you? I know you can. Its in the pit of your stomach and in the back of your mind. You know its coming: That’s right! Its vacation time! Woohooo! *Conga Line!*
Ahhh… there’s nothing better than the feeling that you wont have to come back to the misery of office life for a while. No more annoying bosses, no more faggoty tea boys, no more… well, atleast for a few days anyway.
Its Eid! The end of the holy month. Which, unfortunately, also means the end of short work days. I don’t know if I can go back to regular work hours. Waking up at 7:00? Damn! Thats just plain evil, especially, when I know that I’m just waking up to go and waste my time (time which could be used sleeping) at a retarded job. *Sigh* But who cares about that now? For the next 4 days there’s no such thing as work!!!
So then: Happy Eid to all – just don’t get too drunk.
For some reason this is funny to me- The dino seems sincere
Kung Fu Baby – He’s real…
October 10, 2007
Golly, you guys! This whole website thing is too darn complicated for a simpleton like me. So the best thing is to get Dreamhost then? Uhhhh…. I’ll have to consult more people before I make a big decision that costs 8 KD a year. Money doesn’t grow on trees you know!
Actually, I wish it were stinginess that makes me hesitate, I’m just too lazy to try and work a whole new system that is possibly more of a hassle than wordpress (which is kinda retarded to start with). So you guys are going to have to bear with me. Be patient my children… await the goodness and merriment that is in the near future.
To 6aman all of you, I got a blood test today and I’m negative for diabetes! Hooray! Kit-kats for everyone! Hoora!
The doctor I saw thinks I have “exhaustion” though. Which I don’t really buy seeing as I don’t exactly exert myself in any way. But then again exhaustion can result from mental stress. What’s stressing me? I don’t know. But I’m really sensitive, I cry when people use antibacterial- I can hear the bacteria screaming *sob*.
Lol, anyway its a stress free life for me from now on! I think I need to work on improving my sleeping environment. I think I haven’t been sleeping well. Sleep is one of the most important things in my life. And when I don’t sleep well or enough everything falls apart. Must sleep more. Its time to go pillow shopping. Where do they sell good pillows? I want nice puffy fluffy ones that you sink into. Like the ones they have in those swishy-swashy hotels *dream*. That’s exactly what I need! A good pillow, warm blanket, my couch, and one of the following playing on TV:
- Golf Channel
- Weather Channel
- Japanese News
Any one of the above programs are guaranteed to put you to sleep. Japanese news is the best because you can’t understand a word that they say so you don’t concentrate on it. And even if they are talking about an earthquake that killed a thousand people, the Japanese always say it quietly, calmly, and soothingly: they’ll never disturb your drift into sleep.
Anyway, enough of that talk for now. Let me put up some random picture and use up the remaining 4%.
An Actual Sign
Wonderfully Evil Funeral Home Ad
Ouch! “Horrendous Injuries”
Now he’s gonna do things to her *gasp*
October 8, 2007
Yeah, I know I haven’t posted in a week. I just don’t really feel like it. But the funny thing is I still haven’t even gone to buy an e-go yet. Yeah, I know, I’m lazy. Anyway, so I’m back to blogging from my office computer.
*Sighhh* I’m really tired you guys. I feel like my body and my mind are slowly breaking down. I’m tired all the time, my hand shakes alot, and I can barely think (let alone work). I get like this alot. Sometimes, I get better, sometimes I’m so tired I can’t move. I still haven’t figured out what’s wrong with me. I’ve been to a slew of doctors and they can’t figure out what’s wrong either. They always think its mono. Which its not cuz mama didn’t raise no whore. Secondly, its not because the mono test always comes out negative. I’ve also been tested for rare crap like lyme disease, which I’m also negative for. My thyroid function is also normal. I’m not sure how it is at this moment but about a year ago when I tested, I had I high SED rate. Even though I was technically not sick. The problem with having a high SED rate is that it indicates you have a problem but it doesn’t tell you what the problem is. Here are some possibilities:
- Inflammatory diseases, such as rheumatoid arthritis and lupus
- Blood cancers, such as leukemia and lymphoma
- Cancers that have spread (metastasized)
Let’s go through the list. First of all, infection: That’s a very general word. But I would say it isn’t an infection because I don’t have a fever. And everybody know infections=fever. Second, inflammatory diseases: I don’t know much about rheumatoid arthritis, so I guess that’s one possibility. As for lupus, well, “its never lupus”. Last, cancer: I sure hope I don’t have that but then again when I think of it I am at risk to get it (genetically and environmentally). But then again I doubt I have cancer because then my lymph nodes would swell up right?
Although there isn’t much to go on, I want you to play a game called “Diagnose the Prophet”. I want you to suggest a disease that I may have and why you think I have it… it’ll be fun (be creative people- and this is also an opportunity to learn something new). So c’mon, help me find out my disease.
My guess is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
Yeah, I know those were complimakated medikal wurds. Don’t worry I won’t confuse you with any more (the piece above was for all you medical buffs, not TIMMY!). Anyway, on with the comics!
September 30, 2007
Hi there kiddos!
I’ve been found out! My boss informed me today that I am the 2nd highest user of the internet of this wonderful institution (And where I work is pretty big). I think I should get an award. My boss doesn’t feel the same way. So anyway, I have to stop using the internet. But don’t worry I’m planning to bring my laptop to work from now on, with my own internet connection. And that way I can blog, watch porn, and work at the same time, and nobody can say a single thing to me! Hooray! Hooray!
So anyway chicos and chicas, I’m not going to be posting for a couple of days until I get things in order, ok?
Oh yeah, before I sign off, I have to tell you that along with the whole “don’t use the internet” conversation came me exposing Rafeek for the rat that he is. Basically, not much came from it. He was just told not to do it again. But while he was being “told off” I was sitting right there staring at him with the an expression on my face that conveyed the message “Whatcha gonna do now, bitch!”. That makes it soooo worth it.
Can you read that Rafeek? You spying motherfucker! Don’t fucking touch my computer again! I’ll break your stubby little fingers, you bastard! And you know how I’ll do it? I’ll walk in and see you typing, grab the keyboard from under your fingers, and using the keyboard I’m gonna smash those stubby little fuckers into pulp! Pulp, motherfucker! Pulp! Pulp so fine I’m gonna drink that shit when I’m done! *I spit at you*
Oh yeah, I’m not getting the office I told you guys about, fucking red tape. So what if “new senior management” is being hired? What the hell does that mean? “New senior management” my ass. Just because they get paid more and work more than me doesn’t make them more valuable than me. Well, then again, I guess it does, but I provide this place with laughter and happiness, and you can’t put a price on that *sob*.
Anyway, its time for me to go, those internet minutes just keep racking up (hmmm…. maybe if I get 1st place they’ll give me a cake….Mmmm…cake….)
Goodbye my children, see you in a little while.
Good One, Dad
It was too late before they realized….
Bands that Rock
September 27, 2007
Meh…. I don’t really feel like posting. But its 1:12 PM and I have a good hour and fifteen minutes to kill. I’ve been trying to plan my little sister’s 21st birthday party looking for venues and DJs online (she’s in the US). What she doesn’t know, is that I’m also planning to hire some bodyguards to attend the party. Some of you might be thinking well “then she can’t go completely wild! That’s not fair, you got a bodyguard-free 21st”. And you are completely right! But there are somethings you need to know. First, I don’t want her going wild (even though she is 10 times more sane than me). Also, my 21st birthday was bodyguard-free but it was also party-free. It was horrible. It was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life *sob*. Seriously, it was really traumatic. I was still in college but back in Kuwait for the summer. I was given a cake and a teddy bear. A fucking teddy bear!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Okay, I don’t expect my parents to give me a bottle of vodka or anything. But a fucking teddy bear? I was so traumatized. It was my 21st….. so sad. Ever since then I have this 3iqda, I have to have a crazy birthday party every year, or atleast a decent one. No fucking teddy bears!
My 22nd was amazing, I’d decided that “fuck everyone, I’m giving myself an amazing party”. I went out and rented a sushi bar/ restaurant for one night. Complete with dancefloor and DJ. And being a sushi bar, there was a long ass u-shaped bar where the bartender served drinks to everyone. It was so much fun. One of my best friends flew down from Miami, just for my birthday. Those were the days!
One of the things that distinctly sticks out from that night was my toast. I remember, a friend of mine said “Prophet, you’d really be the shit if you got everybody at the bar to drink a shot at the same time”.
Me: Watch this.
I proceeded to buy shots for everybody that was sitting at the bar (even some uninvited people that snuck in) and I told them not to drink it until I told them to (this part was hard- my friends are alcoholics that didn’t understand why I was making them wait to consume alcohol). After getting all the shots (I don’t even know how many they were- 30 maybe). I stood up on a stool, high above everybody, and gave my magnificent toast:
“To all you bitches and motherfuckers! This is for my motherfucking birthday! Drink up bitches!”
Looooooooooooooool! I think everybody was shocked at my toast but they all went wild nonetheless- cheers for the magnificent Prophet. Damn! Those were the good times!
Needless to say, I proved I am the shit! Yeah baby!
Anyway, back to our original topic. I want my sister to have an awesome 21st unlike mine that will forever be a blackspot in my heart. And anyway, I can get her a bodyguard because I’m going to be paying for the whole party, therefore its my decision.
Its 1:51 PM now. No I’m not a horribly slow typer. I’ve been having discussions with co-workers intermittently. Oh yeah, which reminds me, I’ve decided I’m going to talk to my boss about Rafeek and his wrong-doings. Homeboy’s going down! Actually, I can’t be sure of that, my boss might want to keep him seeing as he serves as his little spy. We’ll see. My skills of persuasion may be a little rusty, but I think I can cause a little stir. Muahahahahha!
This is completely me!
September 24, 2007
Hello there children! Yeah, I know I didn’t post yesterday, you don’t have to tell me that. I was sick and I skipped work- shit! That reminds me I have to go fill out a a crappy form and give it to HR. Merde!
Anyway, I haven’t had time to gather up crap for this post. So we’ll stick with some pictures for now:
I would give him the bonus
Lol – its true. Aham Shay- Level 1 Human
I use this all the time- otherwise I’d have
to beat the guys off with a stick- and that’s just mean.
Sometimes it is the answer
Seeing as you haven’t any interest in drug week I’ll just put these comics up now:
And now for what is quickly becoming a popular segment — MINI-RETARDED-VIDEO time!
I know this is random- well actually that’s what I’m known for- but the girl on the left totally reminds me of Chirp. Keep on rockin’ Chirp! You really are great!
Quote of the Day:
“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?”